Soaring Solo 2010

[Gardener]

Brief journaling (Gardener? Brief?!)

Well the "peaceful, not a peep" run ended today, kinda.
Phone rang. It was X. I didn't answer. I never answer.
Phone then does its voicemail jingle. I don't listen to it. For hours. She's all chipper. "Hi, just wanted to tell you I'm at the house with Friend. Just taking some clippings of your lilies-of-the-valley. Wanted you to know. I'm not going into the house, though!"

Bet your arse you're not. Can't change the door locks but I can - and do - lock the storm doors to the two mud rooms/entrances. No key; they lock from the inside. And then I always exit by way of the garage door - which I've re-coded so it responds to my clicker only.

Sad. "Friend" is someone X avoided like the plague because she was a drama leech, "always trying to insinuate herself into my life," X would say. Now, since shortly after the Bomb? Best buds. Sad.

Have been corresponding with two officials from the National Asociation Of Social Workers with which I am filing formal complaint(s) against MC. One is my state's chairman. One is the Advocate they assigned to assist me. They are both appalled by the things I've written - the things he did - The criteria is definitely met for violations of three Standards and Ethics. But I can't believe the paperwork asks if I have witnesses! Um, yeah, I have two: the MC I'm filing against who sided with, was smitten with X and...X herself (who was mesmerized by MC). And do I have any documentation? Why, sure, I recorded every session!

At one point early on I was asked, "What is the outcome you're looking for?" "Simple. I want someone to read this, look into it and say, 'you're right, Gardener.'"

Will I "win"? I doubt it.
Will I give MC some grief with this process? Yep.
Will MC lie in his official response? Undoubtedly.

Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Been told repeatedly there are clear Ethical violations in Misrepresentation of Services, Termination of Services, and Conflict of Interest.

We'll see.

Have interviewed three prospects this week for renting upstairs master bedroom. Ain't tellin' X squat until whoever takes it is already moved in.

Oh, and I had another one of those...what're they called again? Oh, yeah!
Great days!
But it's way too late.
"Brief" Gardener signing off.
Will catch up with you guys tomorrow.

[LolaL]

You know, I like what your IC said about the first full hour of every day being for you. I think it is important for all of us to have that time, that "just me" time. And more often than not, I don't think we make it.

Okay so I guess I am behind, can you do a quick explain on the MC? I don't know that sitch...

[Gardener]

LolaL,

Okay so I guess I am behind, can you do a quick explain on the MC? I don't know that sitch...

Quick? No.
-6 months MC. More like dual/simultaneous IC sessions "You stay on your side of the court; you stay on yours." I often complained we keep talking about talking but never talk.Wrote it in my ever-present MC journal each time. No discussion of marital issues.
-I also started noting things in my journal like "he's always siding with her," "Is this guy attracted to her?" "He keeps looking her up and down.""MC's attraction to W is palpable!"
-In first session, MC said he never sees couples individually unless sometimes once if it's really warranted. I saw him alone once. X said she saw him alone once. Months later X's benefits statement comes to our address. We saw him 13 times. I saw him once. She saw him 8 times alone.
-In second from last MC meeting, X, lost in thought, looking down says "You know, MC every time I'm in your den I wonder if its the same rug as this one here or just similar to it."(!!!) His office was 55 miles away. His home (home "office") was 77 miles away, so if she was there for IC, why travel 22 miles even farther?
-In the first meeting after she told me she wanted D he suddenly announced "Gardener, these sessions are over." "WHAT?" "Your marriage was dead when you walked in this door 6 months ago. Too much water over the dam. You should have come to me 3 - 4 years ago." He asked me to leave. Ushered me to door, said "Goodbye, Gardener. Good luck to you." Flabbergasted, flummoxed, I just left. And sat in the parking lot writing it all down.
-Went to same building, same time next week to talk to an IC. X was in the parking lot. Said she was seeing MC "One last time." A later benefits statement showed he was her IC/saw her weekly for the next five months. Then she finally did her change of address and I never saw another benefits statement again, so who knows?
-X told me she made D decision in 2/09. MC told her I don't need to know yet. She told me 4 months later.
-X told me MC told her not to tell me right away why she decided D because "He'll probably just debate you point-by-point on it"
-She told me why another 4 months later. And her "reason" was just plain bullsh!t.

[smith18]

WOW - You sir, have been through the ringer!! I can understand your suspicions. Unethical is too good a word to use for this MC.

Choose your battles carefully so they dont consume too much of your time.

[LolaL]

Wow Gardener. I am absolutely speechless. The whole point of a MC is to be objective. Obviously he wasn't.

Take the bastage to the cleaners. He is just a legal prostitute.

[pollyanna]

Hi gardener - I just read your posts on Goals. I am envious of your freedom to do that. Be grateful of that. Lucky thing saving a stray dog as well. I wish you all the best. If you get your truck and it floats, come on down under and visit us down here !

[Gardener]

Than you, Pollyanna. Lofty and lengthy, but I am leaving. Big time. Far away. And let it be what it will be.
I'd love to go down under someday! Australia and New Zealand.
But after I head out I first have a lunch invitation from LolaL, who for some totally incomprehensible reason (to me) actually left El Paso to go live on the shore of Lake Erie (Bbrrrr)!

[LolaL]

Ah yes, but let me tell you the things I appreciate...LOL

El Paso may be warner, drier, and browner (sand...eeek), but I have to say that I would not truly have ever appreciated the change of seasons had I not been there. It is beautiful here, and I am so much more content.

Besides, Gardener Luv...winter is over. Spring is new, and green, and reborn ... Kinda like us....

[Gardener]

I'm with you, LolaL. Four seasons. The only way to live.

[Gardener]

"Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!" "Potential Crash and Burn. Oh no!"

All along, Professional national organization - and my advocate appointed thereby - have told me there is a one-year statute of limitations in charging formal Ethical Violations by MC since he threw me out on 5/28/09.

So, National Organization and Advocate have been reviewing my submission and changes to same (suggested by them) over last few days, telling me, in effect, to "wrap it up and submit it; you've only got until 5/28/10."

Today they realize and email me that the six months of MC B.S., deceit, and Ethical Violations leading up to 5/28/09 may be discounted by Ethics Review Board since they are all more than one year ago!

But they assure me they are determined to seek a waiver on this. While their job is to guide me through the process and not give an "opinion", it has been interesting that every time they read an portion of my complaint and responded - verbally or via email - they have not simply said, "Do this," "Be more specific here."
No, almost every time they read a new section submitted by me, they tellingly prefaced their advice: "Oh, dear. Do this." "Appalling. Be more specific, here."

So I still have hope.

And if all I can go after him on with this statute of limitations thing is his unilaterally ending our MC ("Precipitous Separation") and throwing me out of his office ("Implied Force." "Intimidation"), seeing my wife as an IC beginning that day and for at least the next 5 months ("Conflict Of Interest") then, by God, I'll go after him on those alone, balls-out, and forget the other, prior-to-one-year Ethical violations!

Let the games begin!