Yeah, I know it wasn't me that pushed them together, but he had hesitated about the two trips and I told him it would be good for him to get away and spend quality time!!
I think he was having his 'breakdown' already, and I think it was about 'us', work, countries, health, etc --- pressure, pressure, pressure. OW was just an escape. A shoulder to cry on? Which he continues to cry on to this day. Whatever the case, he feels 'safe' with her, not with me. Does that mean I try to be a safer place? 'Home'?
Remember I have the advantage that she is overseas. And I have his baby!!
But she remains a huge obstacle today in my H being able to look at the root causes of his decision to break away from me and the unborn baby.
He is adamant this is NOT the case.
Brick wall.... :-(
It did make me sad writing it, and realising it is feeling like it felt further in the past that I anticipated.
But I woke up a bit sad today anyway. I miss him again.
We are meant to exchange some docs this weekend. I emailed him yesterday a sorry note for telling him to f off and got back onto some more constructive conversation. also called our bub by her name for the first time. yikes! following Bo Peep advice...gee I hope it's the right way to go.... doesn't feel 100 %.
got to check in with my values once in a while when I feel confused like this.
off to the farmer's market - catch up with your sitchs when I get back.
