still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

lol! Don't worry Piano, I have had plenty of pain without the help of Anti D's so I have become a body builder from all the strength! Now my "muscles are sore" so I can use a boost. I am not offended by your comments! I do agree that some people can totally become hooked on pills. (some have true chemical imbalances though and they need those pills!)But thank God they exist for easing immobilizing depression and anxiety.

Thanks WN- I will be feeling better hopefully by the 17th!

[newmama]

Pick up last night-WH was in the parking lot when we arrived. I found out S got into the daycare we wanted so I did text him to tell him that. He said "great! be sure to tell me how much the registration fee is so that I could write a check." money money money- if he pays for enough things then it means he isn't a bad guy right? (sarcasm-but I'll take the $$)

So when I exchanged S I said "I will let you know when I find out about the fees for the daycare!" And that was about it- he asked again about the time- 9? I said yes, unless S seems tired earlier- we need to just watch and see how this bedtime schedule goes, right? He nodded.

Drop off last night- I stayed by the door. He put S in his crib, came downstairs, got his mail, stated a couple of things about S. I asked him when S was showing tiredness. My demeanor was relaxed and polite. Then I said bye and started walking away. Before he left he said "see you Sat? 4? at the house?" and that was that.


My observations are that yesterday I was being more business like friendly and he was being poker face withdrawn! Hmmm. Shouldn't that be the other way around?

[newmama]

You know, I'm not giving up on belly dancing! I just need to sign up again for the class. The problem is that that last class went from "step by step" to "put it all together now!" in like 4 weeks! TOOO fast for those of us who are not coordinated!

And for Mother's Day I will be making 2 quiches, and I think strawberry mango salsa but need to figure out what to serve it with (just saw the recipe and it looked good!).

I did see this California salad that had mandarin oranges, almonds, romaine lettuce, and some vinegrate dressing.... but I would like to add avocado to it and some cheese!

The only reason why I have stopped cooking so much is for my diet "boost." I am eating the nutrisystem food and snacks/produce etc. At the end of May, I will resume cooking.


Today I figured out how to order internet service (don't laugh!) for my grandma. She needed a modem and a router (she didn't know that and I had to figure it out) and it will go with the laptop I picked out for her (she paid for it). I ALMOST texted WH to ask if 12bps was good enough for my grandma's internet needs (pay bills, check email, use skype). BUT then I decided to ask my guy friend instead. phew!

So buying the laptop,navigating wireless internet service and what it entails were both huge 180s for me. This weekend I will be squeezing in yard work again in between working out, hanging out with my new single mom friend, and cooking for Mother's Day, then hosting.

[courageous wife]

Sounds like you handled your H well with the pick up/drop off!

And awesome galing plans this weekend! Hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day NM!!!!

[newmama]

Thanks CW! I think that I am slowly accepting that I am a single mom (duh) and although I knew I would be fine if we D, I was horrified over the idea that S would be shuffled back and forth. And was stuck because I still love WH. But if I have the right attitude and make my life with S the best I can, then maybe he won't be completely miserable living this way. And so what if I always love WH. If he doesn't want me and Ds me, ain't nuthin I can do about it but move on!

(note: accepting the possible future reality doesn't mean I am giving up hope!)

[courageous wife]

(note: accepting the possible future reality doesn't mean I am giving up hope!)

I know....there is room for both acceptance AND hope! Good for you!

[gatsby11]

You sound like an awesome cook. And belly dancing? Heck yeah! And kudos on the technology. I'm tackling stuff like that too. (So 12 bps is good enough for that kind of thing?)

Why does your WH ask you so many questions all the time? Does he miss you? Is he feeling guilty? Is he feeling awkward and trying to fill the space? I don't expect you to know the answer to this, of course, but he does seem to. . . keep asking questions.

I remember that I emailed WH once to tell him that the way he was treating me (like crap) was great because it made me hate him. Which made the whole thing easier.

I almost wonder (of course I have no idea) if these WHs keep engaging us because they really want our. . . I don't want to say approval but. . . our kind thoughts. Maybe that's the same as trying to alleviate guilt.

Anyway, sounds like you're doing a great balancing act.

[newmama]

Gatsby I am of course naturally curious to see if WH will act differently due to this change of arrangement. Gee his questions....well throughout this whole thing he has asked about S. So it is nothing new. However, I am trying to remember someone telling me that I shouldn't really analyze day to day and just try to sit back and see the big picture over time (i.e. several weeks).

It feels good to have completed one week of this arrangement. I am watching S and trying to see if he is adjusting. Too soon to tell....but at least I did let myself tell WH "we will need to watch S and see how he does after awhile."

What is killing me is that if I wanted to divorce someone, I would be using my time without my child to get that paperwork. I would be using my day off during the week and heck- would TAKE time off during the week- to get it taken care of. I would probably tell them first, then LEAVE them with a draft of the paperwork (in our case we are doing it not lawyers) and go. I would follow up within the week. But that is me. Sigh.

[newmama]

WOW- just saw a cake decorating class for only 45 bucks that is 5 weeks long and is 10 minutes from my house! I am totally doing it! Where are the cooking classes, darn it???? The class wouldn't start til June.

I want to make S' cake (ELMO I think) so this will be awesome preparation!

Other classes...writing, painting, piano lessons

Activities...hiking, golfing, and maybe some kind of leisure bicycle riding...I would love to travel and see sometimes you can sign up with a group and travel somewhere. Of course I have a son but it is an idea!

[gatsby11]

It's only been a week, NM, of your new scenario? Holy cow. It is a good idea to wait and get a bigger picture.

You'll be an awesome cake decorator. Maybe you could get on one of those competition shows some day!