Geo sadly you a right we can not change or fix our H.If we do its only time before they revert back to type.Under pressure, unhappy, lost we see them for what they are, lost souls.
So is OP..they are equally if not more sick that our H's.

ME 44
H 45
D 14
D 20
M 22 YEARS
TOGETHER 28YEARS
Bomb Drop 14th July 09
Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09)
MLC 3years

Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith