My thread is in Newcomers "Struggling With Separation."
I'm so glad you could reply. Your examples were interesting. My H did stuff kind of like that, only in reverse, at the last minute, before he finally told me he was leaving to stay with his parents "to get his head on straight." It was weird stuff, but I just kept on doing my own thing, wondering what the heck was going on, and then he said he wanted to have a talk. When he said he wanted to leave, I was upset, but didn't stand in his way. I didn't help him pack, I just went in another room and cried. Then when he left, he gave me wonderful kisses and hugs goodbye. It was totally bizarre. I had no idea he would be gone so long. It's going on 9 months. I thought he just needed a breather, and let him go because I thought it was the best thing to do.
Since then, he has been cycling closer and closer, but has not said a word about coming home. I stopped asking a long time ago, because he would get so nasty about it. I know in my heart he loves me, it may just be he doesn't know how to undo the damage. I wonder if his parents or his "friends" (they are so helpful???) have told him that I would never take him back. His parents were telling me to give up from the beginning, so it makes me feel like they knew something was up for a while, and I was blindsided. I don't know, and I don't care, because I know God will sort it out.
I wish you courage in the new stage of your marriage. I think you're going to need it. I was intrigued with the way your H just showed up in the middle of the night like that. Mine left just like that, on a Sunday afternoon. But it was BAM! Out of nowhere. I have been wondering how I would handle a situation like yours, having him suddenly just show up like that. However I know I would be on cloud ninety-nine, at least.
Your observations reminded me of nesting behavior, he was preparing for carrying out his plan to return home, and whatever you were doing or not doing, helped him take the plunge.
As long as you do what's in your heart and your attitude is aligned in love, you will have no regrets. You're doing your best, no one can ask for more. Take care.
