Yea. I get all that Jack. At this point, we are kinda at an impasse. As Puppy appropriately pointed out, even if there is no affair (maybe she said that part) the fact that she seems so unwilling to do what she needs to do to reassure me about things is alarming.
She clearly is unwilling to do the things I have told her would go a LONG way to reassuring me that her version of the truth is actually that. I have asked her to meet these people, especially "the guy", asked her not to go hours without answering her phone and to stop carrying her phone around with her 24/7 as if there are texts coming in I may see. I have also asked that she not "decide" (meaning decide to actually tell me) that she's going out like 3 hours before she goes. She has admitted she knows before then but if she tells me, she'll have to spend the entire time between then and when she leaves hearing crap from me. Probably true.
She claims that the meeting them part may happen. Of course OM is famously on record as not wanting that. She has done much better with calling/answering texts or calls from me when she's out. She still has her phone with her a lot but not nearly as much. Then again, she seems to be good at deleting any record of his texting. I checked our phone records way back when and knew he texted... then there was nothing on her phone. My one instance of snoopoing.
In the end, and I hate to have spent so much time today typing about her and the sitch. It's not my focus today.
Again, we're at a place that is not easy to move forward or backward from. She has reasons/excuses for everything. She claims she is deceptive because I can be a controlling jerk (somewhat true). She has hidden his texts (admitted to that) because she knows no matter what he texts her, I will be pissed that he did it (who knows... dunno what he's texting). She uses that one a lot; no matter what I do or say, you will act as if something terrible is going on so I stopped trying. That's 1/2 accurate because really there was nothing to "try" about until the past couple months.
The biggest, blanket reason/excuse of all; She "needs" to have friends that she can socialize with and because of what damage I did to her circle of friends she had when we first were dating, she's scared to death that I will do the same thing to this group. Valid fear.
So we are at a complicated impasse. That's why I am going to be very pragmatic going forward. Again, choices. I will MAKE choices not have them made for me. I will choose to hug her when she comes home... or likely not. I will not simply keep doing what I always do because it's what's expected or comfortable or makes someone (her) else happy.
Jack, back in the day, I DID know what I was talking about and maybe someday soon I will again. Thanks for sticking with me through the 20% of the time I have my head up my arse. Hey, I do need someone to guide me since I can't see when like that
