I had a strange dream last night. Bear with me. I dreamed about an ex b/f, one that I dated for a year, and he just was not ready for the kind of commitment that I was. He got married 9 months later lol, but he is happy. He was kind in the breakup in that he did not string me along. Anyway, I dreamed that he had split from his wife, and that I was trying to invite him to visit me here (he is in El Paso). And at the end of that dream, I yelled to myself “STOP!!!” You know that this will not end well.
For some reason, when I woke up I was in full panic mode, remembering the day the SG left me. I was going over in my head the things I could have said, didn’t say, what ifs, and I yelled (mentally of course, but then again it could have been the “voices”), STOP! You know that this will not end well.
Although sometimes we do over think, sometimes we need to listen to that voice in our head that yells STOP! So…even though you don’t really know the sound of my voice, pretend it is a friend yelling STOP! You know that this will not end well.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
DD was really upset this morning when I dropped her off at school. She was crying and didn't want me to leave, even her teacher commented that she's never seen her like this before. After consoling her for 15 mins which felt like hours I had to walk away bleary eyed while she was trying to reach for me from her teacher's lap. Ugh, I'm so sad.
I called her teacher on my way in to work and she said she's ok and not crying but I know she's hearting.
All this while STBXW didn't even bother responding to my email I sent to her over a week ago asking her if she'd be willing to settle out of court. I guess it means she doesn't want to. Nor did she respond to the email I sent her yesterday. She'll only text me that's it.
I really want to tell her about DD and what happened this morning...I want her to see and feel the guilt of the destruction she's causing. I so hate her right now.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Sweetie she won't see it. She will justify it, somehow, as your fault, that it was your fault she had to leave, and that your D will adjust. You can point it out to her, but she will push the guilty feelings away and justify her actions somehow.
Just hold on tight to your little one, and let her know that you love her more than anything in the world.
(((HUGS)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
"DD was very upset when I dropped her off at school, she was happy and even had a donut hole when we got there but when it was time for me to leave she didn't want me to go. She said she wanted to go to work with me and wouldn't let go of me. She was crying a lot and even her teacher commented that she's never seen her like this before. I told DD she could call me anytime but she said she doesn't want to because she wants to see me. After consoling her for 15 mins which felt like hours I had to walk away bleary eyed while she was trying to reach for me from her teacher's lap.
I called her teacher on my way in to work and she said she wasn't crying anymore but coloring quietly by herself.
You may want to pick her up early today if you're not too busy.
She picked two roses for you from the backyard yesterday for mother's day, they're with your mail in her cubby."
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I want her to see and feel the guilt of the destruction she's causing. I so hate her right now.
Boy, do I understand that feeling.
You've got to realize though that it's not productive.
She's going to do what she's going to do. Wanting to see her guilt keeps you focused on her, not you.
Your job regarding your STBXW right now is to keep things as positive as possible for the sake of your daughter. Dwelling on your negative feelings toward her will shut you down. Pushing guilt on her will cause her to shut down. It ain't worth it.
Especially now, that you're trying to get her to mediate with you. She needs to see you as someone to work with.
Not saying this as a master of any of it, I'm living the same dynamic to a degree. But figuring out what's worth it and what's not - with respect to what I REALLY want right now - which is for things to be easier for me and the boys, vs. being invested in what the future former Mrs. feels and does.
I just thought that she should know what she does with it is her problem. I know she's in her lala land like Lola said, she thinks DD will get over it etc but it tears me to pieces to see DD like this. Last night she was playing with the neighbor's kid and the kid asked her where her mommy is and she said 'she doesn't live here anymore, she'll never live here' - poor thing!
As for me trying to get her to mediate, well it's obvious she doesn't want to and to be honest I'm not going to beg her. She wants to fight, I'll stand my ground and fight her. I just had a hope that she'd want to keep things amicable and not screw me over since this is what she wants, I'm simply complying with it. Me and DD are the ones losing so much in this so I was hoping she'd at least show her human side in this...but apparently she's turned into someone I don't know anymore.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
That was a pretty good message you sent. I remember early in our separation D11 had a very bad day at school and I handled it. I never said anything to STBXW and when D11 mentioned it a couple of days later STBXW went ballistic, accusing me of hiding things.
I was acting like we were still together and keeping the stress out of STBXW's day.
The only thing I would have dropped is the part of "if you're not too busy."
On the mediation thing. How prepared are you financially for this? I was ready to fight, fight, fight. Then I thought about how much money I could blow in an uphill fight and an uncertain outcome.
Now, I'm hoping to smooth it along since she'll owe me money. I'd rather not blow what I'm going to get on attorneys fees.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I really want to tell her about DD and what happened this morning...I want her to see and feel the guilt of the destruction she's causing. I so hate her right now.
I know how you feel...but she's already convinced herself that what she's doing is just fine...and she's gonna continue to convince herself of that. NOTHING that you say or do will change her mind. She says and does things based on what she 'wants' them to be, instead of what they 'are'. WAS are the most selfish people on the planet. They are able to justify everything they do, regardless of how truly destructive it actually is. I agree with what the other poster said...focus on YOU...not her.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
