Adultery is a crime in NY but not punishable by jail.
In most cases people in healthy or somewhat healthy marriages do not wake up and decide out of the blue to have an affair. The affair is a symptom of a R gone way off track. And yes, it is a horrid choice to make (and make no mistake about it, an affair is a choice) and a huge indicator of a deep flaw of some sort.
The cheater usually has decided the marriage is over then moves to the affair. Sadly, the LBS is left in the dark. But in most cases it isn't the affair that destroys the marriage, it simply puts the nail in the coffin.
You could really ask the same question for any transgression a spouse commits.. excessive drinking, gambling, refusing to treat medical or emotional problems or any such issue. An affair is nothing more than a string of very bad choices an adult makes as they are too emotionally flawed to deal with the real issues in their life.
I am not sure what jail would do. There are millions of people in jail for crimes they committed that don't feel an ounce of remorse. I guess the bottom line is you can't force somebody to feel remorse.
If this country really wanted to do something about the divorce rate they would make ALL states a fault state as NY is. Things aren't quite as sexy when two cheaters have to go in front of a judge and spell out exactly what has been going on. Things aren't quite as sexy when an affair is on public record for all to see. And things definitely are not quite as sexy when a good portion of your monthly income is dolled out to the innocent party.
On the legal side marriage is nothing more than a contract between two people. Contracts that are broken usually come with penalty.
