Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Yeah, I think you just nailed it. I couldn't put my finger on it exactly last night, but that is the feeling. This is my H and the man I've been with for 9 years, but since we have been apart for 1.5 years, a lot has changed. I think when he talked it just distanced us more b/c he would talk about a life that I know nothing about and am not really apart of. I remember sitting there last night thru dinner just thinking "how is this ever going to work? We are just such different people!" I just wonder if this is as obvious to him as it was to me or is he just in denial? And as we've said before - how do you bridge that gap???

OMG, it's so true about our H's being stuck as we grow and mature. We've been really able to focus on what's important in life (our S's, family, God), while our H's keep trying to turn to worldly things to make them happy. I'm proud of where I am now and the woman I've become out of all this and I know I just want to keep growing. I hope at some point H will try to catch up, but can't hold my breath on that. Just to confirm that H is regressing, he was telling me last night (I didn't realize this), all of his new guy friends are young - like 23 and 24 - with no g/f's, no commitments, no real stability, etc. Really, how does he expect to grow? I just keep hoping he'll find a friend who will be a good influence on him and lead him in the right direction. It all just seems like such a losing fight to me though.

I put my neck out there one more time last night by sending him one last text to let him know I care and want him apart of my life, but that he needs to decide too. The rest is in his hands now. I've put it out there now and it's up to him to follow thru. I don't know if he was just looking for a stoke of his ego, a need for attention, a desire to keep control of me, or a true desire for me and an R, but whatever his reasoning, I've responded to his request now and that's my piece. So we'll see what happens...

[awest1217]

I am beginning to wonder if it is possible to reconcile after a lengthy separation. It might be easier if we were older because people don't change as much as you get older.

You are definitely making sure you do everything you can to make this work so that is good for you.

Now just enjoy this weekend! It is all about moms and you are a great one so have some fun with your little boy and just enjoy the fact that you are an awesome mom.

[awest1217]

Happy Mother's Day!

[Lucky11too]

Thank's for the mother's day wishes!

Weekend was ok. Friday night was just a low key night with me and S and early to bed (H 'had' to take his cousin out for his b-day). Saturday was actually a really fun day. We went and had breakfast with my parents, sister and BIL, and S at a place called "Breakfast in the Park". Super cute. It's a little cafe in the park that over looks a lake. Then we just played around the park for a few hours. S had the best time! =) That night,I went to a graduation party for my friend who is graduating with her master's this week. We had a lot of fun there - just got to get out and mingle with other young adults (I got a few com'ons, which is always good for an ego boost, even tho I'm not to that stage yet).

And finally, on Sunday for mother's day, we went to church in the morning then I brought S home for his nap and H came over. Since S was still napping, we had some good us time. S took a super long nap, so we got a little mother's day nap in there too. Thanks S. haha. After that H, S, and I went to my MIL to see her. It was really sweet, she had my SIL in law take off work one day and they had taken S out to take pics for me. Super cute. They dressed him up as a sailor! =P It was just really thoughtful! It was funny that great minds think alike b/c I had done the same thing for her with the "old time" pics I had taken and gave to her as well. So that was all fun. H left after that b/c he had to go to work, so then I went to stop by and see my SIL and her family and then home to have dinner with my mom.

So busy day, but over all good. I just had a little trouble last night, with the feeling of loneliness and sadness taking over. It's always really hard when we spend some good time together (especially since I haven't seen him much lately) when it's over and it's back to real life again. Just trying to continue to be strong, but my heart is feeling a little sad still. I want him to choose us and our family but on the other hand I just want it to be over, so I can stop these feelings. It's hard too b/c I still believe a D in inevitable, but I just still have to ride it out to see what happens. It's a little bit of a rollercoaster but it's a ride I have to take to know I've done everything. So hopefully, a few weeks until the surgery and hoping for the start of something good.

[awest1217]

Glad you had a good weekend! You have definitely been patient, and H does take a while to catch on. It was in October so 6 months ago when you thought he would never go to therapy, and he did. Now it takes him a while, but in 6 months it will be November and who knows, maybe something positive will be happening. Know one really knows so it is important to just focus on today and yesterday you had a good day so just think about that and don't worry about what might happen, but as always plan on him not contacting you for a few days.

Enjoy your Monday!

[Lucky11too]

I got some of the best news and some of the worst news last night. I'll start with the good. H texted me last night that he was fed up with work and to just schedule his surgery as soon as possible so he can start feeling better. (the other manager totally screwed him for no reason on one of his shifts. Since he was avoiding the surgery to help them out, he basically said screw them back then). Wow! Great news for me! This is what I've been waiting for! I put a call in to the surgery coordinator this morning, but I'm still waiting for a call back.

For the really bad news, my mom went to the drs yesterday and found out she might have a very serious illness. They need to do more testing still to confirm, but I'm praying that it's not what they think it is. =( I do not want to say it b/c I don't want it to be true. They also discovered she has 2 herniated disks in her neck (she's been having a lot of pain in her neck/arm, which is why she went to the dr in the first place) and will have to surgery in the next few years too. So this is all just really scary. I was feeling so up with H and then this just all hit. =/

[awest1217]

So Sorry! I will be praying for the best with your mom.

[Lucky11too]

Yay, just got his surgery scheduled for June 2nd!!! Finally some progress! I reall hope this helps him!

[awest1217]

That is awesome! Only three weeks away! Then you just have to wait to let the surgery to take affect, but hopefully you will see some improvments pretty quickly like him being able to sleep and then ultimately making better decisions.

[Lucky11too]

I'm hoping for a quick recovery and definitely hope to see some signs of improvement soon too. I'm treading with caution now. Originally I had brought up that I would be willing to help however possible, but I'm going to let him ask me to help when it comes time, so I'm not just pushing myself on him. I'm just going to try to be as positive and supportive as possible and see what happens. I think it would be great for our R if he includes me in on his recovery (stays with me or has me and S stay with him), so he can taste what he is missing. But even if that doesn't happen, the most important thing is that he gets thru this surgery which starts the journey of the healing of his body and mind.

In other news, we had discussed briefly last night when I went to pick up S about having dinner tonight, but as H has a history of being flaky, we'll see if that actually happens.