Wow. Thanks for that. I know, I know, I know, there is SO much that points to an affair here BUT I would love to think there is even a glimmer of hope that there's not. You have presented a good scenario for that.
"the fact that she asked him if he wanted to meet you in front of you says that she isn't hiding anything (but that is just me)"
This has bothered me the whole time... well this and lots of other "positive" stuff. Look, back to what I was saying about perspective. I will never blame anyone for being overly positive towards me. I will also never take anything without several grains of salt. This happens to be a positive take on the sitch, which I appreciate but it all balances out. Thank you again.
Oh, and hey, I finally broke down and confided in a friend here so that really helped too since he knows me and has met my wife. His opinion is very similar to yours in terms of it being POSSIBLE that she's not cheating so much as just trying to establish a life outside the family.
Even IF there is no affair, I am still going to have to see if I can deal with the idea that I don't know these people. That's not to mention all the other things she's doing that fly in the face of how I perceive a married person to be. Hey, maybe I need to adjust that perception.
Trust is something I will have to really look hard at too, and whether I ever did start to trust her again after the affair. I suspect not.
I love the idea that came up earlier about trust and verify.
I think for that to happen, she will have to also learn to trust me and tell me the truth about this. IF, and that's a HUGE if, this is just her having fun with a GROUP of people, and as she says, the fact that there is at least one single guy in that group, then she needs to stop being deceptive and start being honest. She says any deception was based on her not trusting me to accept her going out without me. She says that this idea that there's a guy she's seeing is totally false.
She also has said that she blames herself for my feeling like I can't trust her based on the previous affair, and also for the current sitch because she was less than honest about who she was with, etc. She said she should have just been honest from the beginning.
If I somehow choose to exist in our R like it is, there would be SO much work to do. I am starting with me and will continue to make choices that help me live my life better.
Who knows. All I know is that I now have a totally kick-ass time planned with my kids and maybe we'll even squeeze in some time to shop for mum's day. Wish that was not Sunday but I won't mess with the kids enjoyment of that.
