Thinking About Life after Divorce

[ClingingToHope]

Thinker, I've wondered about my STBXW. All of her previous relationships ended as soon as they hit the sheets. I'm the only one who ever put the time in to get past her wall.

She's always admired her mom because she was the rock of the family while her dad worked two jobs but never brought any money home because he always stopped at the bar first.

So she grew up watching her mom play the martyr -- and she played it to the hilt.

Our M was reversed. I increasingly did the cooking, cleaning, running kids around so STBXW could work more and more.

I thought I was helping, but it isn't what she grew up watching.

I'm wondering as the years go on if she will be -- maybe not happier -- but more comfortable being the put-upon mom. Cooking, cleaning, handling the bills all on her own.

In a way it's going to be fascinating to watch. Of course, I'll have to lead by example with D7 and D11 to show them that's now how you "have to" live. That's her choice. It doesn't have to be theirs.