I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[timehealsall]

Journal:

Last night I went to therapy; had a good session.. she is happy in the changes she has seen in me...

H went to his game with S5 and they returned late.

I bathed S5 and put him to sleep. H got upset that I had gone and bought the kids a few things (we have parties this weekend and next) going off how we're in debt and shouldn't be spending and going on and on. I just walked into the BR and watched TV.

I didn't argue with him. He always tries to put the blame on me for everything. it's MY fault we're in debt, MY fault he had an A, MY fault for everything. so I just let him be.

He then comes in and asks me if I am purposely doing this to him. I said I wasn't going to even get into an argument with him nor was I going to take the full blame for any of OUR wrongdoings. He went and showered and then came into bed.

Asked what my T said and I relayed a message she sent for him that she is disappointed in him. She is happy to hear he is home but feels that if he is willing to work things out, he should go to MC and help get things on track. he just pondered about it and then cracked a joke.

We watched TV and at one point he goes..."why are we doing this to ourselves?" I just listened. I then said to him. if that's what you want, then fine. I'm not going to stop you. But don't think for a minute that our problems are going to be solved (meaning if we separate). He didn't have a response. We ended up joking around and he started being not so affectionate with me. I then joked that moody H was back and he joked back that he was. He then loosened up some and started being affectionate but not as the previous nights..

I guess this is normal..

Just another day in lala land.