Calling all affair annihilators & boundary setters

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm glad you won't be responding to that.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm going to suggest something silly, Courts, but I think the powerful visual of it all will help you get into the "role" you need here, in order to be effective.

Think "dominatrix."

Seriously. "You gotta earn your way back in, little boy." Hee hee!

[courts0818]

lol...hmmmm....In my seret life...

[courts0818]

I'm feeling blah! This is probably a normal post-bomb feeling, but UGH.

I think I'm ready to talk and get some answers, but H doesn't seem very interested which is really frustrating. The only thing I've gotten out of him is that supposedly the A ended "awhile ago” (whatever that means) and he's the one that ended it.

I think I want some answers to try to process this, but when we see each other face-to-face we hardly speak. The majority of our communication is through text. And now he has this new job where he goes in around 5am and works until 5:30pm and has been working a bit on the wkends as well. So he has no energy/time to talk about stuff. He's also making less $ and working a ton more hours so he's frustrated.

I know it's typical, but it's so extremely hurtful when a spouse cheats and then doesn't do every last thing possible to make things right.

I read in Not Just Friends that when the A is exposed - the betrayed partner becomes discouraged by the outright lack of devotion and remorse. And the involved partner who wants to be welcomed back with open arms is put off by the betrayed partner's anxiety and issues dealing with the A. That's us, so how do we move forward from this place?

H has been making an effort to come around more, but I need more than just that.

[TimeHeals]

I read in Not Just Friends that when the A is exposed - the betrayed partner becomes discouraged by the outright lack of devotion and remorse. And the involved partner who wants to be welcomed back with open arms is put off by the betrayed partner's anxiety and issues dealing with the A. That's us, so how do we move forward from this place?

No idea. Maybe a good pro-marriage MC would be of assistance?

[courts0818]

I'm sure a counselor would be of assistance. Will we ever get to one? IDK...

[courts0818]

So...I think I noticed something last night. When H is not around (at home with us), I ache for him to be. Yet when he is here, I feel like I can't/don't want to be around him. ?????

Talk about not knowing what ya want. Jeez…that’s ambivalence at its finest.

You never truly realize what a blessing emotional stability is until you spend your days bouncing between peaks and valleys.

[courts0818]

Well...maybe I'm seeing a little bit of progress? H has been spending more time at home with us and asking to come over at least one day on his "off" weekend. And he's slowly starting to answer some of my questions and talk a little about the A.

We are not really engaging in conversations with each other, but through DD he is being nice to me. If that makes sense. He says nice stuff to her about me and I can hear him.

But still...if only there was magic fairy dust that would take all of the pain away. A girl can dream, right?

I asked him why he checked out of the marriage instead of working on it. He said he doesn't have a good answer but looking back he would have.

I guess I keep moving forward and trying to heal.

[courts0818]

Wow...I haven't been on here in a long time. I just saw my last post was in May. I kind of go in cycles - on and off again when it comes to posting. Sometimes I need to take a break bc it starts consuming me.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone can recommend a really good book on forgiveness. I am really stuggling with forgiveness, anger and bitterness and I know it's becoming toxic. I need help letting things go bc being angry at my H/sitch is hurting me.

[Steve McQueen]

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone can recommend a really good book on forgiveness.

The New Testament.