i've been reading through the posts and following the advice given by the veterans.
i found it a bit discouraging that on other threads, there were posters who seemed like they were picking fights with the veterans and yet, the veterans continued to respond.
whereas, i'm here taking your advice and needing support but nobody is giving me a chance.
it took me a long time to understand what detachment was. i was afraid detaching meant to stop loving. i know i love my h. i also knew that physical separation was needed for us to 'cool off'.
what gives me hope is that there is no OW, no A. my biggest hurdle is the co-dependency between h's mom and h. it is almost as if she didn't like the fact that i had taken over her spot in my h's heart. i saw my h's priority change throughout our m. i went from 1st to 8th on his priority list. it was evident in my last face-to-face with her. she acted as if she won.
sometimes i wish there was an OW. everyone says that an A usually doesn't last. but this is his mother. that dysfunctional relationship won't end until she dies.
it was hard for h to drop the d-bomb and i think he got a lot of pressure from his parents to do it. his mom tends to exaggerate things and cries a lot to her son about how 'mean' i am to her. but everyone who knows me, knows me as the "good girl that you want to bring home to mom". so it'll be hard for h to have to explain to friends why he dropped the d-bomb on the good girl. <-- did i just find my new name?
i gave him space and behaved respectfully throughout the entire ordeal. i did not waiver, argue, or pick fights. i agreed to what he wanted. i disappeared when he needed space. i don't know if i did a good job of it because he took my 'mysterious-ness' as scheming against him. he started to become mysterious himself but not in the same sense that i was. i went out with friends and when he'd ask where i was i'd just say out with friends and not mention whether it was girls or guys. when h acted mysteriously, he was shopping for a L who could fight for more than 50% of our assets. and he shopped around a lot - likely because most L would laugh and say 'uh she's entitled to 50% so that can't be challenged'. he also tried to say things like i want you to pay for your airfare for all those times we flew to see my parents. any gift that his parents gave us, he wanted me to pay for half. how come these things didn't come up before?
money doesn't buy happiness. you can hoard everything in the house. leave me with nothing and i would be fine. i would be sad .. not because i didn't have things. but because i lost the most valuable thing to me - my best friend. there is nothing more valuable in our house that was more valuable than my h.
so far, i'm doing okay on my own. i cook my own meals, clean, do laundry, manage my own business, manage my own bills. i have fun decorating my own place. i go to the gym, i bought some cute clothes getting a hair cut this weekend. i have no received a penny in support payments yet and i manage to do it on my own. yes, there are some changes i need to make about me but my core values have not changed. i'm still the good girl that every guy wants to bring home to mom. i didn't cheat, i didn't steal, and i didn't abuse anyone. even if i don't get my h back, i want my best friend back.
