Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. it's not saying that you're going to FORGET.. It's saying that you are going to let go of the hurt and not let it weight you down and rather, you are going to let yourself live and move on.
i guess i still struggle to acheive getting to the point where i can move on and not weigh me down...i think i am getting better but not sure if i will ever get totally to that point and it kind of scares me.
I fought so hard for her not knowing about the A - once the A was out in open and she realised how OM used her, she returned to me....but i don't know if i should be fighting any more after what she did...i love my W and my family, hence my struggle.
strange thing life is....
gman
Listen,
It's definitely a difficult thing to do but I will tell you that it'll get rid of so much resentment, hate and anger you have built up.
I can understand what you're feeling 100%. I feel the same way. I look at my H and sometimes think "why am I doing this?" "how could you do this to us? I was willing to fight for our family and do whatever it takes, but why did you have to turn to someone else?" "Why did you give up on me?" etc., it's a constant battle and the pain DOES lessen over time. You will be able to control the mental movies and they will decrease with time.
Hang in there my friend.. hugs
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
hey times....did/have you forgave H? i mean have you looked into his eyes and told him? I so want to forgive her and let this go...but i really don't know if i can.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
hey times....did/have you forgave H? i mean have you looked into his eyes and told him? I so want to forgive her and let this go...but i really don't know if i can.
I have. He knows I'll never forget though. I told him that. I told him that my forgiving him doesn't mean he gets a pass or that it somehow takes away from what he did, but that I forgave him for ME. Utimately, I realized that I loved my H more than I hate what he did to me. Effed up, isn't it?
You'll know when you're ready.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Oh and I will add that although I forgave him, doesn't mean I don't sometimes still get upset or mad at what he did. I still do, from time to time.. But knowing in my mind that I NEED to stop that, I just allow myself to feel those feelings when they come (I believe you have to go through those feelings in order to allow them to lessen and go away), and then I just move on.
It makes me feel so much better.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
gman - you can't dwell. I am 3 yrs down the road & I still don't trust my H. I don't know if I ever will. I'm not saying that this is how everyone who goes through this feels, but I'm just saying that it's not going to go away as fast as you probably want it to.
I sometimes would love to just up & leave, but I would never do that to my boys. I just live day to day & thank God for the blessings that we do have.
It's going to take time, gman, and you need to just take all the time you need to work through all of the emotions you are going to have.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I mean.. look at it this way.. I don't want to live my life persecuting him for what he did. If that's the case, then WHY am I doing all of this? Why am I trying to move mountains to be with this man and make this work? To be miserable and make him miserable? nope..
I want to be able to have conversations with H where we can discuss things like this and not have me pointing fingers at him.
just the other day, we were talking about this woman MIL knows who just broke up a man and his fiance.. (mind you she broke up another guy's marriage just before. the guy left his wife and twins to be withthis girl and when he did, she dumped him) now she met some doctor with his wedding only a few months away and as the wedding is coming up, he decides to call it off and be with her and she then dumps him. so H makes the comment "WOW, she is a wh0re.. what a homewrecker!" and I bit my tongue and agreed with him but in my head, all I thought was sh!t, funny how he thinks this girl's a homewrecker AND wh)re but meanwhile he doesn't see OW as that and meanwhile OW knew he was married with kids from the getgo. hmph lol
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
thanks Red and Time - sound thoughts and advice, going to stay on track here and keep moving forward with the W.
i don't want to dwell on this 24/7 either, but sadly it is now a part of my daily life but the time dwelling is getting less and less....guess that is a good sign.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
