Need a Plan for My Marriage

[idontunderstand]

WAW is so...I really do not know what to say or do about this sitch anymore. I just really do not care that much anymore about the M, but I still do not want D.

Man, do I understand. It is exhausting, isn't it? What can we do but detach and be strong. I really wish I could fully detach. That seems to be the key here. Not worry about the outcome of the sitch while working on ourselves to be better a better person, therefore and better husband and father.

but I need to be in a better position financially

While I do have a full time job, we have made sacrifices for the sake of raising the kids and the family. My W works part time and I have a 40 mile drive to work. We live in the mid west and things are tough here as they are all over. I have a small inheritance from my Grandmother that is sitting in the bank. It is supposed to remain untouched. I would hate to use it for something like a D. It's for our kids. My parents have offered to help, but I hate doing that too, you know?

The point is, being short on money makes the pressure even worse.

As hard as it is to accept, all we can do is stand up for ourselves, for what is right and best for the kids, and not let our W walk all over us.

If it comes down to a D, do you have any family to help out? We need all the support we can get and family is always there for us. For me, anyway. I know that's not the case all the time. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Things will get better, as hard as that is to believe right now. If I lost my job tomorrow, I don't know if I would be so confident. I work for a car dealership, so that is always a possibility.

Hang in there and thanks for your continued support.

[LSG]

Hi idontunderstand,

Thanks for your support too.

It is exhausting. I am so tired all the time these past few days. I do find myself detached, but I am not detached as completely as I would like to be. I am going to try to get a little sleep for a few minutes today when time permits. I just hate being so tired.

[LSG]

It is nights like these I truly do not like my W. The kids and I had made plans to watch TV together, and my S was not too excited with the program that D chose to watch, so W is you can go watch something with me in the bedroom. She just totally ruined the evening. My D did not want to leave me alone, but I told her she could go too. I am just so mad, but I did not want to start a fight. She does this crap to me on purpose.

I am really sick and tired of her and the A. I tell you if all my plans go right, I might just Divorce her. I do not know how much long I take living like this or want to. She is the coldest, rudest, and most evil person I have ever met at this time.

I have to get to a job and fight this the way a DBer should. She really makes me sick tonight. I guess you guys can tell I am mad as hell at her, and I have been for a long time.

It would be better to have the kids every other weekend than to have to have her change what the kids and I had planned after coming home late from spending time with OM. I am not mad at the kids because I know they love their mom too. It just sucks so bad.

I have to DB better than ever when I have accomplished my financial security if we do get the Big D, so I have at the very least joint physical custody.

Still want my crappy M, but the Big D looks good too.

[DaddyLongShanks]

It is nights like these I truly do not like my W. The kids and I had made plans to watch TV together, and my S was not too excited with the program that D chose to watch, so W is you can go watch something with me in the bedroom. She just totally ruined the evening. My D did not want to leave me alone, but I told her she could go too. I am just so mad, but I did not want to start a fight. She does this crap to me on purpose.

I am really sick and tired of her and the A. I tell you if all my plans go right, I might just Divorce her. I do not know how much long I take living like this or want to. She is the coldest, rudest, and most evil person I have ever met at this time.

I have to get to a job and fight this the way a DBer should. She really makes me sick tonight. I guess you guys can tell I am mad as hell at her, and I have been for a long time.

It would be better to have the kids every other weekend than to have to have her change what the kids and I had planned after coming home late from spending time with OM. I am not mad at the kids because I know they love their mom too. It just sucks so bad.

I have to DB better than ever when I have accomplished my financial security if we do get the Big D, so I have at the very least joint physical custody.

Still want my crappy M, but the Big D looks good too.

LSG, try not to hate her because thats poison that your drinking yourself! The way to look at it, is this is a person that you don't like and you can't trust. Treat it like anyone who you would feel about that too. I know how you feel, and like I said before I WISH I COULD NOT RELATE to you.

[LSG]

Today was my birthday, and it was probably the worst birthday I have had, except for the cake from the kids. I did not remind them that it was my birthday. I had planned to let it pass like every other day. I had to work today. W did ask the kids if they knew what day it was. Daughter said it was not Mother's Day. W said it was daddy's birthday. Daughter and so wished me happy birthday, and said they are sorry for having nothing for me. I told them their love is all I need.

Argued with W about a petty issure, but a bigger problem in our marriage related to money and the kids. Also related to her A with the OM. Son fell asleep on the sofa, and then he woke up a little disoriented, and he went pee in the laundry basket. I barely have quarters until payday, and told her I would wash them on the regular day. She said, they will stink. I told her I don't care when all you give me is scraps, and you take most of your pay and put it in another account. I told her I need what little money you give me for laundry, food, and other things here. Also, she said you have a job which I have not received my good paycheck yet. She did rinse them in the shower. They may stink, but we need to make it to payday which I have considered the amount of quarters I need to do laundry. I told her she buys the kids all this stuff and only thinks about herself. Come home early if she is so worried about everything here.

I told her I am sick of this sh!t, and she told me to not let the door hit me on the way out. I told likewise don't let it hit her on the a-s-s out the door. She put the quarters back and did not say anymore, so I told her to listen then.

She is on the phone with her parents now, and she went to the bathroom to text OM. She is one classy woman. Not really!

It felt good to let out the frustration I have with her. She needed to hear it. Probably not the greatest DBing, but I did not really care.

Also I told her I do not do anything for myself, and I do not take money for myself.

I am so upset with her self righteousness all the time.

[LSG]

I know I just don't get it. This is my problem. I hope I get it someday. I just don't know what I should do at this point.

I am clueless, and I wish I wasn't.

I appreciate everyone trying to enlighten me. I hope I get it someday soon.

Thanks everyone!

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

I'm ready to let go in mine. I had to think about it, I've never been with a female who doesn't want to be with me. Your wife or GF would show she loves being with you in her actions. After a certain amount of time anyone would be wasted for that particular person. Sometimes manning up is letting go.

I don't think building resentment and anger is going to help you. It happened in me in my sitch and this anger and resentment corroded my relationships outside of my current spouse.

Handle your bizness. With as bold as she is behind this OM, I think you may just serve her some papers after an appropriate amount of DB'ing. However DB'ing without doing anything to disturb what she's doing will only strengten her relationship with the OM because of time and support her for doing it.

LSG, I don't even recieve scraps anymore and let me tell you it feels better not to have to take them. I'll get my full portions in the right situation.

[LSG]

DLS,

I know what you are saying, and I agree with you. That is why I am not very good at DBing in my sitch. I need some suggestions that will work for me.

Today has been hard with Mother's Day and my Birthday yesterday. I let the kids take W to brunch today for them. I want them happy. I was a little emotional and teary eyed to see her and the kids drive off. I know what I am doing is for them, so I need to remember that.

I am tired, and I will take a short "siesta," so I am not going to write too much today. I think it is a very big emotional toll on me today.

[LSG]

After I posted this morning, I took a nap while watching a DVD. It felt so good. W and kids came home. I woke up and W said, "Thank You, LSG." She also said, "I did not know you were working today." W started to talk to me about my job, and was very nice all day and tonight. I talked to her like we use too, not totally. I went to work and came home, and she was not snipity. We watched a DVD with the kids, and it was kind of normal. I continue to detach, and I keep a certain distance. It was a nice evening without the strange feelings. I know there is still major problems. I will just take things one day at a time. I am definitely not out of the woods, and I know that.

I had a nice call from a friend I had not talked to in a long time.

It was just nice to have part of the day without so much stress.

I have a job interview tomorrow, and I am excited about that too. All in a good weekend.

Oh, D said they were going to take me to the movies for my birthday if I did not have to work today after I came home. All of us together. It was just nice W even considered doing that. Some progress I guess.

Thank you everybody for reading and posting to my thread. I really appreciate everyone here!!!

[Onthemountaintop]

Congrats ~