Told her I can try to be patient but being in a loveless marriage is a deal breaker for me, longer-term.
I understand but in this sitch it is applying pressure. Obviously a long term goal for you. And for her. She doesn't want that kind of M either I expect. Ergo the A.
A lot of your behavior is trying to control. Trying to get affection back etc. Take a look at this. She is running away from you. Buddhist saying: We chase that which runs away from us. So if you stop chasing/ controlling would she stop running away?
A question. You mentioned she had some issues growing up. Has she anything with you? There may be some reasons for her behavior change.
Lastly, she is still bucking MC and being very private?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
