It is a choice. You have no hope because you are listening to what he is saying. He took "control" of the situation with his words. You just have to understand that you "control" where you go with this. If he wants to go.. let him. If he wants to file for D.. let him. You have to "define" what is acceptable.. and healthy for you. If he steps over that line.. then you act. Just because he "leaves" or files does not mean that is the end. To be honest.. the M you had is over. This can be a good or bad thing.. it just depends on how you look at it.
"I know I have been doing some of this type of thing. I've been reading so much lately that I've been letting some of the strategies get me twisted up."
Too much of a good thing can be bad? I agree. Keep it simple. There is no quick cure.. easy fix.. etc. Focus on the small things. Learn what they mean to you. Build on that.
To be honest there are only 2 ways to "win". You "Act as if" or you "LRT" it. Both are effective. Both have the same chance of "success".
"My cheerfulness seems to make him think he needs to keep reminding me that we have a BIG problem, as if I could forget!"
Well.. because you are not acting the way he expected you to act. My wife told me that when she dropped the bomb.. she expected me just to say "OK" and we would just get D. She never expected me to buck the system. If you look at it your "cheerfulness" is working. Expect that he is gonna react to you.. and what you do. Again.. like drunk people wanting you to drink.. the more you refuse.. the more they hound you. They want you to share in the "fun". Bet if you showed up drunk with a bottle the next morning when they woke up and started hounding them to drink it would be a different story. (Some people maybe not..LOL) Don't look at the big picture.. Don't look at the future. Focus on the here and now.. and the small things. No matter how insignificant they seem. If you are unsure if something worked.. test it.
"H would answer this easily with "S8 and S5"."
I don't want your assumption.. I don't want what he is saying. I don't want your assumptions.. because.. well you have been wrong more than you have been right. Otherwise.. you would not be "here". I don't want what he is saying.. cause I do not believe anything that a WAS says. None of it!
"This question has been roaming around in my mind for a few weeks now."
This is what I call your "Little Voice". Listen to it.. it is talking to you for a reason.
"He likes to share stories about his day and talk things out that he's working on with me. He says we don't have anything in common and he doesn't feel a deep connection to me, but yet he's not acting like I annoy the snot out of him He doesn't avoid me."
Maybe.. he thinks you are just not "fun"? Simple fact.. he has not left yet. If he was done.. he would be done. To me he is actually responding to your LL's right now. If you don't know what to do.. you go with what you know. His complaint is the "deep connection". Next conversation you have.. see if you can get him to "define" that. I would like to hear his words on that. Try and remember what he says.. word for word.
"He seems to describe this "love" that is a noun that falls upon you when you meet the right person."
"I asked him if he has ever felt that before, with anyone. He said he didn't know/wasn't sure but was surprised by my question because when he tried to talk the same thing out with his IC she asked him the same Q."
With that definition of "Love" I am in some trouble with my wife. Cause I "Love" lots of random women. She will be so disappointed in me!
Really the first comment is just.. well garbage. It boils down to just another way of saying "I don't feel anything". It points out the confusion in his mind. From the two C's (You and his IC) question.. I would suspect this has more to do with his mental capacity. Can he "Love" seems to be the question you both were asking. You are getting into the depression.. and out of my "area".
"We did have some fun last night. H noticed I had bought some margarita mix earlier in the week, so he picked up a small bottle of tequila (we rarely drink) so we could watch a movie and celebrate Cinco de Mayo. We even stayed up a while afterword chatting and he laughed a good bit. So, I expect him to be a grump tonight....that's how the roller coaster has gone so far."
Try to stop expecting the worst. Try to stop projecting you are walking on "eggshells". At the end of the day.. he made you "smile". (We did have some fun last night. H noticed I had bought some margarita mix earlier in the week, so he picked up a small bottle of tequila (we rarely drink) so we could watch a movie and celebrate Cinco de Mayo.)
"maybe I should have told him I wanted a laptop for my BD."
A girl can dream!
Now..
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
