I do not understand the anger and resentment at my accomplishmetns.
It may not be something understandable, but let’s look at a few possibilities.
A common one is the too little too late scenario—the perception that you are changing only now as a last resort. He may believe the changes are thus manipulative and not authentic or he is hurt and frustrated because it took this situation to get you to change.
Misery loves company. There is a developmental gap between LBSs and MLCers. MLCers regress and LBSs progress. There is often a conscious or more likely unconscious desire to close this gap. MLCers are in a sort of arrested development and thus rather than attempting to rise to your development they try to regress your development.
They feel life is hopeless and thus they cannot continue with you—since in their minds you are the reason life is hopeless. But they love you and thus need anger to fuel their escape and create justifications. It is not about you.
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Is this unusual? (When you first really change I mean.)
Um, no. this is MLC-normal. Some may cycle backwards to you in their confusion, but if your changes brought about immediate/quick progress and lasting positive changes in him, I would say that it was likely not a midlife crisis. Understand that immediate/quick is relative—a year is quick.
MLC gets worse before it gets better—much worse.
If this is MLC and you think—or worse, expect—that your changes will yield positive results in the short-term, you are setting yourself up for a let-down. There are often threads with titles about how DB is not working because the MLCer is still seeking a divorce or leaving. MLCers seek divorce or leave—not all file; it’s not called a crisis because the rollercoaster ride is fun.
Focus on yourself and accept the process of the crisis.
