Messed up

[jt2007]

finishing up my thoughts about what is going on so I can go on, I came across something that makes sense to me:

The problem is caused by damaged or imcompatable Explorer settings or add on programs--- hummm sounds familiar---

(in tring to open up and get anything out of my H)

This message can appear if:

The converter was not properly registered.
The converter was inadvertently deleted without removing the registry information.
The converter support files are corrupt.
The converter installation was removed and the uninstall tool did not finish clearing the registry settings.
The hard disk is damaged where the converter files were stored.
Usually, reinstalling the converter will overcome this problem. If the converter reports that it is already installed, first uninstall it so the setup program can remove the files and registry settings.

If removing and reinstalling the converter is not successful, there may be a conflict for a resource on the computer (for example an executable file that is needed to properly register the converters on the computer has failed or stopped running). In this case, it is best to turn off the computer and start over.

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I guess when your looking most anything can speak to you.

(im thinking there is a conflict for a resource fits perfect here--and that the executable file needed to properly register in his mind our marriage commitment has failed or stopped running

In that case its best to turn it off and start over.

[seeking answers]

That's right JT, completely pull the plug.

[jt2007]

ITs been since May last year that I have posted!

So much happened.

The emo-affair ended.
Not on its own..but he was "accidently" sent a text that was suppose to be to one of her friends.
It said what a whiney baby he is and that she was using him as a decoy for her real Affair with this other guy.

(you dont know how hard it was for me to have to sit there and listen as my husband said this to me)

He said he lost his "best friend"...said she told him he was angry at her because she wouldnt sleep with him.
(F them both!!)

I had to keep calm because I want my family back.
Seeing this through was not easy to be detached.

I grew a cold spot in my heart that was my safe place to be at.
I retreated there while listening to him.

I no longer cry...because its a waste of energy. I do get disgusted and then remind myself that is the human plague in life to find what you are. And I said I would be with this person and start a family with them!

Im glad the marriage map is on this site. It has realy helped me.

I moved back into the house, and back into the same bedroom.
We went to a family theme park for 4th of july. That was akward, he still had anger and bad feelings but was trying to be different. He would not take a picture of us together and asked me to be out of the pictures because he didnt want everyone to know I was with them. (WTF ever...I didnt respond...and let him have is crappy moment)I was with my kids and that was the most important to me, my chance to show them no matter what I was a strong person and loved them.

Im glad he got hurt by that "friend" it was the best thing I could have waited for. I know God is looking out for me.

I graduated from my nursing school!!
How much better I feel that I know I dont need to rely on him for financial support. It will be my goal in the rest of my days to give this part of indepence to my children.
They, eachone, were very proud of me.
Husband was proud to and brought everyone to my graduation...his persepectives just arnt mine!

[jt2007]

Fast Forward--
We did not get the divorce. It is still in the court and can be revived up to three years...so what I signed is good for three years!!
Please think about this if you are going through signing papers to be "filed"
-----

Fast forward-- he went on several business trips and stepped on something and got a frekin systemic infection (his whole body was in sepsis)

We traveled to his brothers hous for Thanksgiving..ended up in the hospital out of state.

He went into kidney failure (he had deminished kidney function to begin with)

They wanted to cut his foot off the infection was in the bones!! We were 600 miles away from home.
Got his kidneys stable and booked it back home where we have one of the most famous hospitals in the country.
They were able to save his foot.
But had a pretty bad wound from where they had to cut out the infections.

The next 6 months I spent taking care of him as in HOME HEAltH!!
Pain pills, nutrition, wound care the whole bit.

All this time I had to put my feelings aside of how he treated me and what had happened.
God just works in strange ways.

If it had not been for that situation im not sure my husband would have had the chance for reflection and slowing down.
I would not have had the chance to improve to myself the things I needed to grow in my 180.

He is getting better and almost healed now. It has taken a toll on me but It has brought us back into a relationship that we can actually work on now.

He realizes he is in a midlife moment and I have realized I can be seperate from him as a person . It hurts still, but I think I can use this site to help me keep perspective.

I am just thankful that our family has a second chance..
he is even talking about us being old together.
I have heard him say that he is to old to start over with someone else...LOL
and Even though I know things can change in moments, I still will have a difficult time trusting and loving as if nothing happened
That cold spot is still always going to be there for me, unless I can find somewhere to let it go.

Not sure what covers that...time, situation, or concious effort to love as if I have never been hurt.