180's are good but your H probably will not notice right away with OW around. Getting his next fix of her is all he sees and can think about. Not you, not kids, not your home, and many forget about their work as well.
You need a plan to bust the affair. Don't say or do anything until you have a plan ready.
Here is what I suggest:
First: Collect intel. You need info (ie names, phone #s addresses emails) on OW, her family, friends. (Does she have an assistantship? Is she wanting one?!) Common friends of your marriage, H's close colleagues AND spouses. Your family members. Make a list of them all. Then cross out any that will not be supportive of your marriage. Star the ones that will be most supportive. I think you also need more evidence of A. Have H followed to see where they meet, call records, emails etc. Don't confront H with what you find! Keep it to yourself for now. Do this as quickly as you can.
Then you will expose the affair. (I started a thread on that topic. It includes everything you need to know now on that).
Will you be willing to toss him out or leave yourself? You will need to get out of the way after exposure, at least for awhile. It will be harder to protect yourself if you both stay in the home but that can be done for awhile.
You are dealing with an addiction and must use tough love along with DBing. But don't fly off the handle without a plan!
Not everyone will agree with this approach. Affairs like this can go on for 6 months to 3 years left on their own. You can do this in such a way as to protect you, your marriage, your family, while maintaining self-respect and even earning your H's admiration. You seem to be doing a good job so far! I made soooo many mistakes after I first found out.
Post your ideas. I and others will be along to help you fine tune your plan.
Some questions: How long has A been going on? How did you find out? Who knows at H's work? Have you read "Not just Friends" By Shirley Glass? Kids? Ages? What do they know?
How about you? Are you eating and sleeping ok? H in sep room is probably best right now. You need time to think. AND Many EA's quickly become PAs after APs share their feelings with each other.(Barf)
(((SR)))))
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
