Well, it has been a week since I asked my H not to come home. In that time, my contact with him has tapered off.
I talked to him on the phone two days after I asked him to leave - I was in a weak moment and grasping for some sign of remorse from him. He told me flat out that he feels "relieved" and then went on some time about how I can't control him. Then he was tired and wanted to go. This night was the lowest I've been - and I realized he's right. I totally can't control him. I can set my boundaries and if he doesn't want to deal with them, that's his choice. And he doesn't seem to want to deal with them right now. So I vowed to back off.
But did I do it well? No . . . I told him the next morning that I was planning to give him the space he needed and then I executed on that. In the mean time, we endured D's ballet recital (cute, but not fun given all the tension and both grandparent sets present).
From that point on, the only contact I've had with him has been related to passing off our daughter. He did linger a bit dropping her off one night and chat with me - I was heartened by this but of course it didn't last long.
He went out of town on a business trip during the work week. I am almost positive that the female from work was not on this trip - I had pre-separation intel to go off and I know that this girls' bf or ex-bf is on the trip (also works with my H.). But, my H has had very little contact with me. He called wanting to talk to D one night out of four. No attempts to contact me beyond that.
Since I've had so little contact with him I'm starting to doubt my own commitment to making it work. The longer he's gone, the more I think I will be okay with out him. And, the more I stop second guessing myself about setting a very clear boundary with his decision to be involved with OW (even if it is "only" EA).
The question I have is . . . where do I go from here? I'm in limbo and not sure what to do. Should I sit on my feelings of ambivalance for a while? If it looks like we're going to have a longer separation than a week or two, should I be trying to have a plan in place for joint things (i.e. who pays bills, when our D is with him/me, etc.) Or just handle them as they come up?
I'm trying to GAL - I have weekend plans for the next 3 weekends coming up. But, is planning that far ahead something I should do in my situation? I'd love some perspectives on limbo and the consequences, both positive and negative, for decisions made during this time.
