The journey begins

[poet]

Hi Gardner,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I've not been here for a couple of days. In answer to your question (on my thread) no, I don't think we misunderstood each other. I was just journaling about some of my own personal "stuff" from past threads here.

I like what BobbiJo said in her 1 p.m. post. I'm pretty close to that sitch anyway, so I guess that's why I like it. The thing about it is, we all have our "own" stories, and some of them are better and some of them are worse, but they all hurt. I know that time heals 'many' wounds. But I was just trying to say that we all have to "talk" about it, get it out, let it overflow (if you must) for lack of a better phrase. I'm at the point where I don't talk about it to real life people, only here and in private of FB.

In the end, after it's all over -- and I'm not there yet -- we can eventually look back and say, we simply grew apart.

poet

[Gardener]

BobbiJo

Hmmm...my answer to someone yesterday was, "He decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore"...

That's perfect. And when you come right down to it, that's pretty much the gist of every sitch on these boards.

CTH,

"I couldnt' make her happy anymore."

Except that wasn't your responsibility or your job; it was hers.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. Gardener. I'm going to connect two sections into one sentence.

"For a long time it was good, but she decided she didn't want to be married to me anymore."

Trying day yesterday.

D11's talent show went really well. She was one of three MCs and she did really well.

STBXW came home early from work to curl her hair, get her all dolled up, etc.

STBXW wanted us to all sit together along with the MIL. When I got there, I saw a seat in the second row and grabbed it so I could get good pictures. I saved one seat for D7.

When STBXW showed up she came up and looked at where I was sitting and the fact there wasn't room for her and MIL so she went back and sat two rows behind.

I did not talk to or acknowledge MIL at all. I don't like the fact she is funding the D -- although I keep looking a couple of years into the future with a smile. Between STBXW and the younger SIL, they are wiping the MIL out. None of them can handle money.

Basically, it seems as if STBXW wants to play family in the public and at holidays. She says things like "the girls would like it."

Well, the girls would like for us not to get divorced and I don't want to play family so that it isn't obvious STBXW is a single mom.

I don't mind sitting alone. I'm comfortable with my situation.

Anyway, D7 bounced back and forth between STBXW and me and things were going good. It was a long show though and I thought it might be too much for D7.

Sure enough, D7 got antsy and came up with an excuse to go talk to someone and then bolted for the door.

So I had to get up, chase her down and spend 20 minutes handling the meltdown when I told her she couldn't go see D11 because she was on stage and she couldn't run around the school by herself.

After the play, D11 was on Cloud Nine until she learned nobody from the play was going out to eat because of a test the next day.

D11 was really looking forward to the after-performance get together because for the first time she was going to be the center of attention.

Soooo many emotions.

I let them sleep until 7 a.m. and got them to school without a hitch this morning though.

First thing at work, I gathered up my retirement stuff and sent it to the attorney. STBXW is going to owe me at least $15K out of retirements and that will take care of some of the debt.

Last day of my second bi-weekly budget and I'm going to come in $7 under budget. If I can do that week-in, week-out I will be fine.

Tonight is the divorce parenting class. Four hours!!!???? That should be a lot of fun.

[ClingingToHope]

On the list of the 10 least enjoyable things in life the Divorce Parenting class has to be up there with cleaning up vomit and having brain surgery.

The only solace I had was that STBXW is required to go through it as well and she'll have to see that statistics that show essentially EVERY child is damaged by divorce.

I know that. My parents divorced and it was, by the end, a terrible marriage. Yelling, screaming, threats.

Still, the actual divorce did long lasting damage to me that I didn't even realize until this year. And I always considered myself well adjusted.

[ClingingToHope]

I didn't include this. Strange dreams last night. Very vivid one about STBXW, which made me wake up. Then I had a dream about poker. Woke up again. Then I had a dream about playing baseball.

Ran the gamut.

Working late so I can go golfing tomorrow -- free at a nice course thanks to a coworker.

I hate to say it. I like the vivid dreams about STBXW.

[awest1217]

I don't think the WAS really thinks about how it truly affects the children. There is so much out there that says kids will adjust and everything, but ultimately it is better for the parents to work it out because anyone that has two lives (essentially that is what is happening) will be hard on anyone, especially children.

Hang in there and I hope you enjoy your fun filled weekend.

[ClingingToHope]

Well, golf got rained out. I got up anyway and did the dishes and some laundry. My expense checks are still going to my old/STBXW's bank so I have to take some money out and check with work as to why that's happening.

Tonight we're having a poker game here. A friend at work has been pushing me for months to have one here.

When I was STBXW, whenever she was out of town for the weekend we'd play cards. It's a great outlet for married couples.

Now that I'm single, I don't really want to play. First, I usually lose and I'd rather not throw money away. Second, it's all guys and I'd rather be out mingling.

But we're playing Texas Hold 'Em and I budgeted in $20 in miscellaneous, which is the max I can lose. And tomorrow should be a fun night.

I'll have to go over to the house and grab a table and some chairs.

I'm tired though. I stayed up late at work finishing stuff off so I could go golfing then woke up early and got ready in case the day cleared.

I'll need a nap.

Not a lot of sitch thought right now. I'm not sure why. Maybe my brain fried from HAVING to think and talk about it for four hours last night.

[antlers]

I don't think the WAS really thinks about how it truly affects the children.

Nope. They don't. They convince themselves that what they're doing is OK. They convince themselves that what they are doing won't effect the kids in a negative way. Pure selfishness.

[bright_new_day]

I don't think the WAS really thinks about how it truly affects the children.

Nope. They don't. They convince themselves that what they're doing is OK. They convince themselves that what they are doing won't effect the kids in a negative way. Pure selfishness.

Or they do as mine did and say that "the kids will be happy because I am happy." Yes X, the world truly does revolve around you! LOL Funny thing, from what I hear he complains about the new wife the way he used to complain about me, but now he does it with the kids. According to them he does not seem happy. The only change for him is now he has more money...yet still not a happy person.

[BobbiJo]

My ex texted me the day we were telling the kids..."It sucks but they deserve to live in a place where there isn't so much tension and fighting. It's just a big mess we made...sure it will change their lives forever but what scarring was being done before?"

Meaning better to live apart in peace than together in turmoil. Cause apparently there was no option C in his world, where we figure out our differences and move forward together without all the tension...very black/white mentality on the WAS's....