Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Not really sure what to make of it all tonight. When I went to pick up S from my MIL, of course H was already there. He seemed a litttle grouchy at first and somehow got a comment in there about me being emotionally neglecting or something like that. I ignored his comment. Before we could go to dinner, I needed to get S home and fed and ready for bed, so I did that (H said he couldn't come help b/c his allergies are super bad and can't handle my cat). H came over awhile later and I sent S and him outside (where his allergies wouldn't get to him) to play ball while I cleaned up. They had a such a great time and put smiles on both H's and S's faces. Things really changed after that. My mom came home and said she would put him to bed (it was only 20 mins before his bedtime anyways by now) so we left. H was in a good mood now and all talkative. For me, for some reason I felt a little ackward, as it all felt a little fake to me. We have all this underlying issues that I can't get off my mind. H was telling me how he's been trying to cut back on the drinking b/c it makes his depression worse and how he really hasn't been doing too much besides working and seeing S. Hmm. To be honest, I don't know if I believe that. It's just funny too, when he talks, he is just so full of himself. I almost have to try not to laugh sometimes - how he is such a cool guy, and how he is a "funny jerk" and makes all the customers laugh, etc etc. So anyways, dinner was good, but we were only gone for an hour. I just couldn't shake this feeling of ackwardness though...maybe I was just waiting for him to address the real issues, but he never did. We drive back home and then immediately, starts to say goodbye. He hugs and kisses me and then starts to walk to his car. I just can't stand it, so I blurt out "are you ok?". He kind of jokes back about how he's not really ok about anything. I followup asking about the text last night. His response - "I don't want to talk about it right now". Ok...he keeps putting out these dagger texts but then never wants to discuss the R. He then reluctantly says how it was just about how he doesn't feel wanted by me. I reaffirm for him that I do want him but let him know, he has to put the time in with me to give me a chance to show him that. I don't know if any of it sunk in, but we'll see. I then brought up about taking a day off at the end of May to take S to the acquarium (with H, S, and me) and he thought that sounded like fun. So like I said, I really don't know what H's intentions were tonight. He said the reason he took me out was for mother's day. It's just hard b/c I really have no idea where he is at with us (besides wanting to feel wanted by me, which that alone is one-sided and selffish and definitely not an R) but he's not willing to talk about it. And unfortunately, you really can't push an R talk either. They have to be open to it in order for it to be productive. Blah.

Also, he told me earlier in the night that he wanted to hang out with me tomorrow night but then his cousin wanted him to go out with him for his b-day, so he's doing that instead. In his words "things always come up". Yeah they do, but that's where priorities come in, but unfortunately that's not something he understands... =/