what you don't want is him having everything his way.
what's happening to all of us is a loss of control over our lives. we didn't make the choice to end our Ms. They have left us at our most vulnerable with a huge job ahead.
That's why you must say yes to some things, and no to other things with H.
Say, "thanks for the offer H, just let me think about how that can work for both of us".
BD- I remember S kicking up a storm almost every night about 10:30 during the last trimester! The bigger he got, the more uncomfortable of course! Piano and Gatsby is it getting uncomfortable for you?
But doesn't it feel like you have a special secret in a way? I loved that feeling-that my baby that I grew is kicking and only I know! (until others could feel by touching my belly. WH only felt it once. Too bad for him)
And fyi-S moves so much in his sleep now! He stays asleep but moves- just like when he was inside the womb!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
At 39 weeks, the movements are restricted now, not so much kicks as massive writhing! As you say NM, it is so precious and so special, the little 'secret' of carrying a baby. I love it so much. Not so in love with the heartburn, esp at night in bed, and the bearing down feeling at the rear. Walking is now super tiring. I am one lazy girl these days, and brain has kinda left the building. I find even having a couple of tasks to do in the day a bit of a hassle!! hi hi. WAH hasn't felt a kick. The one time I tried to make it happen for him, it didn't. Then there hasn't been another op. BIL has felt some beauties though!! Looking forward to comparing bub's movements in utero, and ex utero!
did you read or hear that having heartburn has been scientifically linked to having babies with a lot of hair? Seriously!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I've definitely heard that about heartburn. I was having it for a few days and then it stopped. I hope she has hair, though, so I'll take some more!
Bearing down in the rear, oh boy!
I got kind of mad last night again because WH hasn't even seen me since February. So he is missing out on everything. (Even when we lived together he avoided looking at me during the pregnancy-- just really couldn't handle it!)
I agree, P, about the control thing. Just last night again I realized that I was focusing too much on WH. I was mad at him, I was sad I was coming home to an empty house, sad I was going to be a single mother, etc. Then at some point either late last night or this morning I decided that I still have control over my life! I can choose to actively be angry at him or to not. I can choose to create the atmosphere in my apartment that I want. And I can choose to be positive (sharing the "joy") about raising her alone. So I'm going to try to have that state of mind more today.
P and NM are giving some good advice, BD! You're really working here. I admire people who can interact with the WH so much and stick to their guns. I'm going to have to do it some day. . .
Babydoll sorry you are here...my heart breaks for you.I agree that your H is terrified and reality has and is hitting hard.You are a brave lady and got here quickly so hopefully you will get the help you need. Birth does change people more so the father cos they see what there spouse has to do to get this little miracle into the world. Hopefully if this is what terrified you H it will snap him back out of it just as quickly...I will include you in my prayers tonight..(they are getting very long as I meet many wonderful people in my sitch).
im not so good at this detaching stuff! Maybe its just extra hard bc H is really coming on strong with the "i'm the dad" and "friend" thing he's trying out.
i dont understand why all the sudden he is trying to be nice? Wants to take the car to get maintenance, help pay some of my bills (already pays mortgage), came over today while at work and started to clear out babies room and declutter some old stuff in the basement we talked about for so long now, left paint swatches for the babies room, and says he is helping out whether i like it or not.
Does this make him feel like a father?? I also got the "I love you but not in the way you want me too!"
After having read so much over the past few months over the stages of love/marriage, real deal with ILYBINILWY, and separation, I find that this is a poor excuse for a person to just walk out! i dont buy it! Sorry, I am not a good DBer... and frankly today I didnt care.
I told him after the baby comes, things can never be the same, i would never trust him if he ever had a change of heart. I would always think it was for the baby, and for his own selfish needs. he gets agitated and says "you know how I feel" but also says "you never know what's going to happen", "I dont want to get remarried", "I dont think about dating", blah blah BLAH BLAH!
My entire extended family is hoping H comes to his senses when baby is born... to be honest, I dont want it to happen that way. I also dont think it will hit him. I told him that is the biggest reason why I wouldnt want him at the delivery.
We bicker over stupid things. and then he'll send a text of something he is or wants to do to help me.
Its as if he just realized i am having a baby!
And yet, some moments are so real and tender and sincere (so i think). H did feel the baby kick. His whole face lit up. But H has completely separated me from the baby. Doesnt see how we are linked... his love for me verses his love for the baby.
I love feeling the baby move all around! feels like he is stretching at times! Definitely a soccer player!
I heard of the baby hair/heartburn issue... so cute! Best friend had a little girl last year... lots of heartburn... full head of hair at birth! get some pretty baby bows ready!
