She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[tbart01]

Yeah that's what I meant,and that was a good answer. We had our weekly MC session today, it went well but I left frustrated. She kept her end of the bargain and we met for coffee afterward.

I told her that I no longer feared losing her because i felt that I had already done that. I said what I feared was her losing me because I felt the process already starting. I'm beginning to detach and not worry so much about her and I. We talked for a good while, but it seemed to frustrate me more, so I told her it was time for me to go.

When we got home I had to go out for a walk because I was actually pissed. I came back and told her that we needed to have the floors put in the rental next week so that I could go live there. I let her know that I could not live under the same roof with someone that doesn't want to be with me.

While I was telling her this I looked down at my phone and noticed she had text me while I was out. She said "My marriage is shattered, I put my daughter in jail. I don't know how to deal with any of it and I am ruining my whole world".

She was in the backyard balling her eyes out. She was telling me that she never expected me to come back such a changed person, and that I've done so well since I've been back. She said she's loved me for 17 1/2 years and she can't just stop.

She got the vibe from our conversation that I may cut and run. She said that no matter what I planned to do she will always care about me. She said she was broken and trying to put herself back together so we can work this out, but needed to give her time.

I told her I was trying to remain positive about us, but that I had to take everything with a grain of salt. I let her know that I can't get my hopes up too much, because she's put me on a emotional roller coaster before.

It would appear that she still loves and cares about me, but is too lost and broken herself. She really want's us to rebuild, but needs me to give her time.

I'm just unable to do it while living in the same house together. It's difficult to not be with her, but it's even harder being with her and not being with her at the same time.

It's nice to hear her tell me how she feels, but it's also sad to see her broken like this. hate this, but I'm strong enough to deal with this right now. It doesn't mean it isn't frustrating as hell, but I can deal with this and take care of life.

It was kind of interesting to hear one thing from her. For years she seemed to never be jealous or worried about me cheating on her. When she told her friends how I was acting early on, they all said it sounded like I was cheating on her. For the record I never have nor would I ever do that.

She said she started thinking about it and wondered if I have. She went to co-workers and people I was deployed with last time and asked if I had or was. Of course they told her no, and she said she felt stupid for listening to others and even more stupid for asking about it.

I just found that one interesting because she has never appeared to worry about that one with me. It was kind of nice that she did in fact feel jealousy towards me.