Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

Hope, thinking of you tonight. I know how hard it was to let S stay overnight with your H. I hope that the trust that you're placing in both of them brings out their better sides. I especially hope that your S gets to see a softer side of your H when he is not acting like a cornered animal in your home.

How was your IC appointment?

My honest opinion is that you need to seriously focus on yourself right now. The stronger and happier you are as an individual, the more clearly you will see your sitch. But that will take time.

I totally agree that you need to set boundaries and walk away instantly when there is verbal abuse (and remove S if necessary). You've written that it doesn't "work" because of how your H reacts. Of course he doesn't like it that you are not engaging with him! It leaves him alone with his own sh!t. When dealing with abuse of any kind, an approach "works" if it protects you and your dignity.

I have to say that one of the silver linings of my separation and our custody arrangement is that I don't have to constantly deal with H's moodiness, little comments, etc. Now that I don't deal with it all the time, I notice it dragging me down and I'm amazed that I was able to tolerate so much of that. Sometimes our own strength is a weakness, because we can bear what we shouldn't.

You deserve better Hope. I hope that "better" is in the form of your H shaping up, but IMO he would have to seriously work at it.