for the longest time, i kept worrying about h. i had the hardest time detaching because i thought detaching meant to stop loving.
in jan, h dropped the d-bomb. i begged, cried, etc. and suggested we get counselling. he opted for individual counselling. IMO, he went to counselling to justify his reasons for d. he told me he needed space. i went away to visit a family for a week. i came back and he had made the decision for both of us that d was the only solution. he said we couldn't live together and we had too many differences that couldn't be fixed. i didn't buy it but i said ok. how do you want to do this? do you want 4 place settings and i'll take 4 place settings? he looked at me in shock and said "you've been preparing for this, haven't you?!" ugh. look, how could i not look up the d laws so i could protect myself? i wasn't preparing for it. i was looking to protect myself. h dropped the d-bomb without reviewing the d-laws. i tried to warn him that it was going to hurt him financially. he felt that it was a small price to pay to get me out of his life. since, he has had a rude awakening and that the "small price" isn't so small after all. but being the dummy he is, he is pressing on with the d. he is also very bitter about the "small price" he is paying. i fear that this is going to make him hate me and he will never get passed this. it's not my fault that the law is the law. i'm not even fighting for more than what the law says. but he thinks i'm being greedy for going with the law. i don't want to be a doormat or give up too much just to save my m. i want to save my m but i know there is the possibility that it can't be saved. i love him despite the things he's said. i know that i can't believe 100% of what he says. i understand that a lot of the things he's said were said to push me away.
from mid-march to mid-april, we remained civil at home. cooked dinner for each other and sometimes together. we'd watch tv together and comment about what was on tv. we never talked about the r, m, or d. we'd high five while watching sports.
in mid-april, we packed up our stuff and prepared to move into separate apartments. we had sold our home and ended up renting separate apartments.
h's mother came to help him pack. someone on this board thought i was co-dependent. i started looking up co-dependency recently and realized that h and his mother has a co-dependent relationship. and this was part of the reason why the m broke down.
his mother was in town for almost 3 weeks so during that time, h never contacted me. part of me believes that she came here to ensure that h and i don't reconcile. while packing at the house, she acted like a high schooler who got jealous when her boyfriend was talking to another girl. i know she had a role in convincing h to d me.
now that she's gone home (she live in a different state), i wonder whether h is ever going to get over the financial loss he going to face from this d that he asked for. this is the first week, he's actually on his own. but it feels like he's gone dark on me for 3 weeks already. while he's gone dark, i've started to move on. working on myself. socializing, GAL, and planning my future with just myself.
is it typical for the WAS to go dark? i always felt that separation was necessary for us to get out of this turbulent/angry phase and give us a taste of what life would be like without each other.
it could be too early to tell? will he ever get over the financial part of the d and see me for who i really am? he should know that throughout the entire marriage, i never spent a penny of his.
