Surviving & Thriving

[smith18]

Can the kids shower on board or do they have to use the marina showers?

[sandycay]

Shower on the boat.

[Kalni]

Sandycay,
your H is angry at himself. He went too far and seeing there is no way back (not to your M necessarily, but back to the good parts of teh life you had) makes him angry. I am sorry for him. He better man up and deal with his anger though and stop messing with your kids or you.

I am so excited you are getting all the love and care you deserve. It's awsome. It's wonderful. Brings joy to my heart when I read how your BF treats you and your kids. Good people never go "wasted".
Hugs
K

[sandycay]

K~ Good people never go "wasted". Wow, brought tears to my eyes. I never think of myself as good.

Thank You!

[sandycay]

This is his reply to my email from the other day.



Sandy,

I'm tired of hearing and reading about the "condition" that I'm in. Don't bother writing about it or even to me if that's the topic any more. The fact of the matter is that as a man, I've finally decided that neither you or the kids are going to walk all over me verbally or with your actions any or ever again. Period.

That said, the kids don't like it. They have no problem staying at friends houses for days at a time. I realize I'm their dad. They have to live with what they have and what I have to offer them. You talk about conditional love...well there you have it. If I lived on a billion dollar yacht, I guess everything would be peaches. The comment about every time they are here something gets broken is the truth. It happens...every time. When they learn to accept responsibility for their actions and pay attention to what they are doing and listen to their father instead of discounting everything that comes out of my mouth, then things will get nice...easy...and fun.

OUR kids are at a tough time. The age of resistance to ANY adult input into their lives. They "know" everything and the fact that I don't live with them makes them feel they have the right to dismiss my parenting even more than they used to. And they used to ....and you know it.

As for the assets in the house. I won't lie. It pisses me off that you think you have the right to pick and choose what I can and can't have. Your lawyer even said,"I've been more than generous". And that hasn't even begun to slow down. And I am tired of hearing about your version of what's fair in life. For instance...how about the 5000 bucks "WE" owe APA. Well guess who's paying for that? And right now. They want the f'ing money. So please don't try to put the screws to me just so your boy friend has a place to park his bike. I'll get the stuff out of the garage when I can piece the money together to store it. Not that it's remotely any of your business, but my plan was to use some of my travel money from the trip to Russia, but that has obviously been put on hold.

Now...if you don't like the tone of any of this...tough. I hope you've at least read it all. The fact of the matter is that our kids are who they are because of you and I. S and D are good kids. They have good values and good intentions. They didn't just trip into that when they turned 13 and 15. My son actually said he doesn't want me to teach him anything anymore. My SON!!! He said that to me. I've never felt so unappreciated in my entire life. I will not stop being a father to my children. I refuse. And if it means that for a while they have to hate me even more, then again, I'll pay the price to do what is supposed to be done in our society today. What I think is right. Just as I've tried to do for the entire time you have known me. I have CERTAINLY failed and tripped hugely on occasion. That doesn't mean I'm going to intentionally do it again for the sake of a friendship with my kids. I would LOVE to have both. But I'm their father first. And you know it.

[smith18]

Thinking about this letter some...

1) Dont take anything personal about what is in his letter. It is spew just like the one Bobbi Jo just got. Over time, he may lighten up and become somewhat of a better communicator.

2) He seems to treat his family like subordinates that should just listen to what he says.

3) He is a selfish "ME" man.

4) You should not communicate anymore with him unless it is about bare essentials related to the kids. He is an angry man and he is very hostile (and jealous) towards you...and most unfortunately, his own children.

[BobbiJo]

Wow...the tone of that reply sounds so very very familiar...it's sad...

How are you feeling about it?

[sandycay]

Well, I wrote back and took a few issues with what he said but at the end of the day He is who he is!

But basically I ignored all the BS and told him he had to get boat and car gone by the end of the week. I guess direct threats work because he got it. I am over his bullying tactics and he gets what he gets. Not my problem anymore

It's been going back and forth between himn and the kids. The kids have told him "good bye" basically until he changes. I did encourage them to go out to dinner with him two nights ago. After not seeing the kids for 3 weeks with a hope he would be on his best behavior. he stated to the kids (after seeing my newly re-vamped garage, because now I can arrange how I want and clean, plus I got the third bay back after the boat was gone and got to mount things on the walls so nothing is on the floor anymore) He says "why didn't she do that when I was here?" Serously, slam me in front of the kids on your first attempt back. For the record on the average of once a year I cleaned the garage out from his throwing and going. Sometimes he helped, sometimes not but he never let me organize it. Then my D mentioned to him "yea, she's gonna work on the walk in attic next" To which he mumbled "she 's doing lots of clean out to be so busy with school and stuff" I cleaned the attic right before Donkey moved out last time and then he trashed it on move out and I have not cleaned it since. I always thought since he trashed it, he should clean it. Well, in order to pack his stuff up ~ I need to sort so I am cleaning as I go.


Very liberating. He is pi$$ed that I am making him get his stuff. Go figure. D has had 7 softball games ` he has shown for 1. She said last night as FFG was on his way over to bring us dinner he had made at his home (crockpot roast) and to go to her softball game with us~~ " I really like it when FFG comes over, we always have a good time, and I like him alot" Maybe she has a crush? on FFG? S has added him as a friend on FB so that is doing fine as well.

Me~ well I am feeling a little co-dependent on FFG lately. I think it stemms from me being injured and him being here and helping so much. I got use to it. It's a very comfortable, fun, easy going relationship.

He talks about future vacations and I think he is planning something with the kids for me for Mother's Day. He takes his kids back that day in the am. So there have been secretive text going back and forth between the three of them.

It will be my 1st Mother's Day without my mom :-( I can't believe it's been 10 months since she passed and 9 years since my dad. Blah~ can't go there.

I tried to go off my anti-anxiety meds via Dr's approval that I got on after donkey left the 1st time. Did not work out well, the anxiety about what I am doing, gonna do, need to do became overwhelming. I hope that after things with Donkey die down and school is out for the summer I will try again.

I will pi$$ed if I have to stay on these forever!

So the moral of the story ladies is ~ Clean that damm garage and attic and your H won't cheat on you nor will he leave you!!! It's just that simple.

Toot Toot ~ Oh, wait a minute there is the crazy train pulling through the station and what? Is that a Donkey driving the train, you say? Well, yes it is! Donkey got off the boat to take another crazy train round the mountain!

No offense to donkey's were meant in the above post.

[smith18]

It does sound a bit like Donkey and yourself are moving forward post D. Over time, you will develop more of an IDGAF attitude towards him.

Fill us in as to what the big surprise is. FFG sounds like a keeper and I hope you give him as much as he gives you in keeping the love tanks full.

The last place in my house I have not finished to my liking is my garage. I still have a nice bike in there I got XW for her birthday at about the same time she started to stray. I am keeping it for the next special lady.

[sandycay]

Kerry~

I don't think it's a big surprise. I more into the he's taking initiative with the kids. His EXW must have been a real pill when he tried to do stuff for her and buy stuff for her. He is a little gun shy in that arena. I think she complained about most of the things he bought her and did for her.

I hope I am too Kerry. It's hard though because my time is very limited and if he didn't come here I would n't see him very much. I don't like leaving the kids by themselves. They are plenty old enough and it's my own hang up though. I mean the dad left so I don't want to be gone that much from them. We do get out by ourselves every now and then but we do have the day time when the kids are in school. The summer will be difficult for time alone though.

I need a bike ~ mine is headed for Goodwill along with a big pile of stuff from the garage.
\
Kids told me that EXH told them he is leaving the country tonight. You think he would text me that information.