Your advice rings true to what she's been asking, actually - feels I've been "pressuring" her (don't think I've really been pursuing) and probably trying too hard to "reconnect".
Definitely learned when I was really DBing well that it was starting to "work" (asking about why I was so mysterious, etc.), although it may have backfired a bit at the time, too, as she felt like a "stranger in her own house" and felt like there wasn't anyone to talk to (so, at the time, justified staying in contact with OM).
Did feel good to get some "power" back by not worrying so much about what she was doing/thinking/etc.
I really do believe the A is over (not that she's not still thinking about it) and know she's pretty consumed by this new job (has been working 7 days a week and really concentrating on it being a success).
Guess I've been down that road (concentrating on work to the detriment of my M and other things) and know in the end it's really not that fulfilling, and have told her that the longer we wait to really examine what led up to the A, the longer it will take for any real healing to happen.
Other thing I need to do (assuming we do MC this week) is tell her that my sister knows about her A (as our MC said she will bring this up as we begin therapy, which she doesn't know).
Really appreciate the detachment article - is definitely helpful as I now see that we're both co-dependent on each other.
