About having H in the delivery room, I never thought of not having him there as to not see me at my not-so-best moment. I am actually just thinking of the birth as it is, and like that he wants to be in the room for the baby's first breath. H has been in plents of births, as I mentioned he is an RN. But I did hear from close friends and family that most men who are present in the delivery look at their wife in a different light, as the experience is so amazing, and that they tend to think highly of that person and simply have a whole new level of respect for them. Birthing experience is worthy of that in my eyes.
But by all means, you have to be 100% comfortable and wanting of them to be in the room. I am having H in the room bc a) to bond w baby b)b/c I know he will be great support to me c) H has and always brings out a calm in me and makes me feel like I am capable of doing anything. So i think having him in the room with me would really benefit me. Also, I am not sure how I would handle it if H didnt want to be there. I wouldnt force him but I would tell him that he is more than welcome and if not than i guess acceptit. I do believe a birthing coach should be just that and if yH can be supportive, then ask someone else who is to be that role. Now... I dont know how I can manage to look cute in the delivery room, but that day is about me! Dont care what he thinks about how I look!
Postive+no expecations! PERFECT! You can do this- just do your mantra at the start of each day, when you go to the bathroom (A LOT right? lol!) and you will be that way! I used to get nervous about hearing the D word come out of his mouth so I couldn't always pull it off. But do not worry, at this point your H is more into the baby than D! And besides, you already got the papers, right? So there is no worry, I hope! (they are just papers to be filed and they sit there waiting for action. I think?)
I will say it again-personally I am grateful my WH was there when I gave birth because he was such a great support and because that memory will be there for both of us to share with S. Did it make him come back to me? No. BUt he did kiss the top of my head and cry a lot. It sounds like your H will be very helpful and supportive to you during the birth- I think that if an H was too nervous or squeamish it would cause anxiety in you and make you more ticked off! (Like Piano- if you are reading this-because your H seems to have so much anxiety about some aspect of the birth, I truly think it would increase your stress during birth! Don't be sad that he doesn't want to be there until the end, ok? Remember back in the day, dads weren't allowed in the room!)
About the MILF comment- I was not thinking pornstar! Sorry if that was too vulgar! I was trying to make light of being a mother that can also be a sexy woman! But it isn't just about looks, right- keeping up GAL activities when you are able, or even just keeping in touch with current events and reading regular books (at first you will have a lot of time to watch TV or read especially if you nurse) all are part of the transformation!!!
Last edited by newmama; 05/05/1006:20 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Today was a great day! everything went well and smoothly! Went to baby doc... all is well... and H was supportive and asking questions and just a true Dad! He cancelled his day of classes, to my suprise and from there we went to register for baby things! So much fun! So happy to have him there and share in the decisions and fun. i also think it was a reality setter (for me too) that a BABY is on the way and we need to get out acts together and get ready! Actually H was more on board than I was and took charge, and said we need to get ready, our son may be here in 4-8 weeks! Yikes!!! We got along soooooo well, I looked my best, felt my best, and truly felt happy, calm and whole. We laughed and like all of the same things. and there were a lot of 'we' refernces from H. talked about bathing/feeding/rocking/reading/playing/strolling son and how he would be there in the middle of the night to help, and so on. I didnt question it... I just let it be. I did see some moments of when he would just stare at me, and I made sure to smile and be happy. Today was a 'normal' perfect day for 'us'. Hope he saw that too.
Sent me several texts and so on afterwards. I am sticking to my mantra, no expectations. Made me feel good to see that at the very least, H is planning to be there for baby. Hope it stays that way.
But I do wish that he felt moments of 'what if...' and 'could things ever be' between us. I can not lie and say I didnt and still do.
Who knows... it actually felt like a first date... ahhhhhh
Overall, I am glad I made the decision to allow him be a part. It made me happy today. I felt good about myself. I felt happy about the baby. I just felt happy.
I am so happy you felt happy and had fun! It brought me back! I hope the happy feeling lasts for awhile!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
BD, that's really great! I am so happy for you!! I have a lot of hope for you, but yep, keep those expectations low just in case, ok?
The day after is like..well, the day after. It's usually the same for me, whether the contact was bad, semi ok...well, me and WAH haven't had a good day since he's been back in country (4months +) so.... bummer.
But good on you. I am thrilled!
About being prepared... it's good to get all the practical stuff in place. So does this mean you're up for a shower?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
He is still contacting me, wants to help move things around the house, and clear out baby'r room and paint etc. its just sad bc he's doing things i always expected and wanted except that we are truly not together. Just strange that I am cautious about asking questions regarding baby decisions, etc. I should not have to feel less than 100% comfortable, but our circumstance is strange...
How is the person who one made me the happiest in life, makes me the saddest now?
Strange part is he is fighting for his role as a father... not what i would have expected two months ago... I am really happy and excited about the baby!!! i cherish every kick and punch! love him so much already...
