Ilybnilwy....but doesn't talk D?

[Irish_love]

Onthemountaintop,
Thanks ! But do you have any suggestions.

So yesterday he was here and we talked about 2 hours. It was mainly about how he was finally going to have a talk with a family member that they had issues for years. But then at the end he started talking about how he brought up in group about the hug, kissing and ILY. They told him that him doing that to me is not right. He said most of the advice that he gets from them is right. But for this he feels its wrong. He doesn't feel right about it. He understands how I feel and why, and that I have to be that way. But its hard. He says he already lost me as a wife he doesn't want to loose me as a friend. He loves me and that is something that will never ever change. He got real emotional about it.

So this hurt me so bad. It was so hard to listen and not respond with R talk. I wanted to just hug him. But I didn't I told him that I understood. And that he didn't loose me as a wife, it was his choice. And he said yea my choice. I said well maybe you didn't choose to not be in love with me anymore but you made the other choices.

Later he came back to pick soemthing up and I gave him a really big hug. I don't know if it was good, bad or indifferent. But I wanted to just hold him. Sometimes I feel like this is just a nightmare and sometimes I am awake and sometimes I'm not.

And tonight he hugged me when he left to.

I am sooo lost and lonely. This weekend I have the kids. It really is hard because it is also his birthday. I have plans in my head how we would celebrate. Now I am too scared to ask him if he has plans so that the kids can take him out. I don't want it to appear as though I am prying.

Any help is appreciated. How do you get through being soo lonely. I feel like I am contstantly alone.