To be honest, and I know you may not want to hear it, he may never admit it to himself. He may blame you forever. More likely he will tell you he blames you for a very long time, but the risk exists with no mitigation. [quote]
[quote]At this point I pretty much find it amusing to see some of the things she does. Why? Because it would be like watching a teenager and their shenanigans. It is laughable to some degree. I also find it heartbreaking and disappointing. In the end of it all, the MLC'r has made their own decisions. Those decisions led to what they are doing now.
You should also realize the immense pressure he is actually feeling even if just expressing it as anger towards you. Don't let him. He needs to have a reason to express his anger where it belongs and not at you.
Yes, in the back of my head I realize it's possible for him to blame me forever. And I know I am in denial of this. It's hard for me to be standing and believing for a reconciliation and at the same time acknowledge this. And yes I do know that almost all of us could just fill in our spouses' names with just about the same situations. That's the part that makes it so frustrating for me!! It's textbook MLC and there is nothing we can do to make them realize it! I know that some here say not to ever mention to them that they are in MLC. I agree and disagree with that. To me, it's like not telling a loved one we've noticed a health problem they are having. And instead of letting them know as gently and kindly as possible, and offering to take them to the doctor, we would just sit back and keep our mouths shut?! That just seems asinine to me! Not to mention cruel and irresponsible. However, I also realize the MLC'r will not listen or recognize they are in MLC.
As for them making their own decisions, yes they have. But, they made them with a mixed up mind. I wouldn't blame my grandmother when she made decisions that turned out not so great and then we found out she had dementia. I guess I am having a hard time knowing my h can ruin our entire lives while not taking responsibility for it and not owning up to the possibility of MLC. While I want to be understanding, patient, kind, loving......at the same time I am just plain ticked off!!! And that makes me even more ticked off at his family who is supporting him all the way. They are the real demented ones in my opinion. Who supports a man abandoning his family?! That's just crazy!! And majorly selfish! Which is what I've said about them for 33 years. H used to agree with me. Now he's just using them since they agree with him.
Today is a bittersweet day for me. It's the anniversary of h giving me my engagement ring. And it's also the anniversary of the day my father passed away. So, I have great memories of him giving me my ring and I also have wonderful memories of how attentive he was to me at that very difficult time when my dad died. It is beyond sad that this loving, compassionate man has changed so drastically. The man who would come home and say "have I told you today that I love you?" will not be here to celebrate/remember this day. So, today I am sad and allowing myself to cry.
The part about them feeling immense pressure is somehow comforting to me today. As a matter of fact, I hope he is somewhat miserable every day and thinks about what he has done. And what he has lost. I'm sorry, but I'm tired of being the strong, supportive, responsible sane spouse. I don't get to run away.
Ok, enough pity party for me today. I think I will go take out my anger on cleaning my house.
I am sorry that you are to the point where you don't feel like fighting her on the divorce anymore. I know you have been at this for a long time and you're tired. It's just sad that she couldn't see how much you wanted to keep your marriage together. She does not know what she is losing. I think she will eventually come to this realization. Unfortunately, it might be too late. And I'm sorry for that. Take care.
That just seems asinine to me! Not to mention cruel and irresponsible. However, I also realize the MLC'r will not listen or recognize they are in MLC. 
