No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[JacT]

Bond you have helped many people on these forums.You know what works and what doesnt.
I will remind you of something you said to me 'it takes time to get rid of years of negativity' so patience here is key.
I have read all your threads tonight and you have been strong and persisent when many us would have flagged.
For whats its worth,being an inexperienced DB,I would suggest treading a little more carefully on what you remind your wife about what she has said.
Remember she is trying to heal, close the wounds,its clear she is in pain for what she has done and I am not sure she needs reminding.Much of what she has said will be lost in the fog.

Sandi, I think mentioned that your old R with your wife has gone and its time to start a new life together if thats what you want.
At this point in her journey I am not sure your wife is convinced you are capable of forgiveness.

I told her that I've had to shoulder all of the burdens that have come up due to her leaving (the kids crying, her boss trying to get me fired, etc.) and that it was getting to the point where she has to do something to make things right. I told her that she needed to start acting like a mother and a wife and that I was calling her out on her BS. And that I expected her to call me out on mine if I ever behaved the same way.

When do you get to a point when you stop reminding her?... to let the wounds close completely and let her believe you are the lighthouse and that she is safe to make her way home.
Its clear from your thread you are still very raw..if we on your threads can see this, your wife will too.
I am sure fear is keeping her away.. frightened thats she not capable of being the wife and mother she wants to be.

You are the one person who can give her back her confidence.
In terms of encouragement,would it be possible for you to plan a weekend away with the girls? A change of scenery, somewhere you both hold dear and which may awaken some very positive and enjoyable memories?
No pressure different rooms...etc etc but a change away from all the negative influences...