Great job in being non-committal, friendly, flirtatious, and cautious -- all at the same time. I know it's damned difficult.
Thanks Puppy. It is difficult, but made easier by detachment. I guess I finally got there! Too bad it took me over a year...
I will not voluntarily give up my custody. She keeps throwing out things like "Think about the kids instead of yourself." I reply "The kids need to be with me as much as they are with you." Then she says "I'm their mother and I've been their primary caregiver since birth." Round and round we go.
I may point out to her that if we are on a path that may lead to reconciliation, then we will start spending more time together as a family, and so we'll each get more time with the kids. Maybe that will get her to back off for a while, perhaps 90 days as you suggested Puppy.
I will continue to be nice, and friendly, and flirtatious. A tough balance between letting her know I'm interested, without making her feel she's in the driver's seat. In fact, I want her to know she's NOT in the driver's seat.
Regarding your posts from your past sitch, I do see many similarities, and a few differences. I am worried about manipulation, and I've learned enough to know that sex is a common tool used in these circumstances. In my case, I have the advantage that OM is on the other side of the world. I'm relatively certain the A is over. After she asked me last night if I was seeing anyone, she said "Well, I'm not seeing anyone, and I'm not planning on seeing anyone." Since this is right before she kissed me, I assume she was implying other than me. Is there any ongoing contact with OM? I don't know. I haven't pursued intel for over a year, and I'm really not interested in doing it now. If my W and I are to take any step forward, I will need her to assure me all contact is severed, forever. Will I insist on transparency? I don't know. Interesting, as I think about it, if she is still contacting OM, I'm less affected by thoughts that it indicates her A isn't fully over, and more affected by how it makes me feel about her, that she's manipulating both sides of this in such an ugly manner.
Unfortunately, I think I will also need her to give up all travel to OM's country altogether. She will strongly resist making that concession, but I'm not sure our M can, nor should need to, survive her ongoing trips there, even with her assurance she's not going to see OM.
If we do reconcile, I suppose at some point I will need to discuss OM with her. Puppy, at what point did those discussions occur in your reconciliation? How long did it take before thoughts of OM started to subside in your mind? Was it brutal at first?
