...No, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for help, primarily in the form of others experiences when they've tried something to mitigate the damage and negative influence a "friend" can have on trying to keep a marriage together.
What do you think can be done to mitigate the damage and "negative" influence a "friend" can have on your wife? You are using typical male logic to deal with female emotion and it never works, you keep using this analytical approach to everything, "...there must be something I can do, in 10,000 life experiences, when I've done something, I've fixed the problem, changed the outcome, etc. etc".
Great.
Let me know after 10,000 marriages if that approach has worked for you.
You're on what, marriage #2 or #3, I haven't read the entire thread, so how is your "approach" working thus far?
Look there is a logic to all of this, just not the logic you're employing.
You are dealing with emotions, you are dealing with feelings, your wife's feelings and you are trying to deal with them using your male logic and since you're the "smart guy" or at least it sounds like you're trying to convince us indirectly that you are, then be smart, observe reality, reality is your friend, don't go against reality unless you enjoy living on planet fruitopia, what is reality telling you? Talking to your wife, pursuing her, trying to convince her, being analytical, trying to find a solution to this problem, doing research, asking people what can be done to mitigate the negative influence of your wive's friends, and aren't you hitting a wall each time you try anything using these approaches? Wouldn't that be reality? Reality is talking to you and telling you that these things aren't working, didn't work in your previous marriage(s) and isn't working in this one so stop doing what you're doing. Stop doing the same thing over & over again expecting different results each time because that's the definition of insanity.
Here is some logic you can sink your teeth in right now. Your wife is in love with her feelings. Her feelings are telling her you're not good for her. Her feelings are telling her that there is better for her out there. Her feelings are telling her that there must be other men out there that could be a better husband for her than you are. Her friends are there for her. Her friends want her to feel better. Her friends agree with her because even though they don't have solutions for her problems, they know they want her to feel better, that's what friends do, regardless if their intentions are short sighted, in the end they want what's best for her and they want her to feel better. Her friends agree with your wife and by doing so, they agree with her feelings which make her feel better. Remember what I said, your wife is in love with her feelings.
When you tell her to reconcile, to go to counselling, to remember her wedding vows, when you tell her that you'll change or that you have changed and some other foolish nonsense, your wife will want no part of that. Why? Because she's in love with her feelings, her feelings tell her the opposite of what you are telling her and because of that, you will always be on the outside trying to get in. You have to agree with her feelings, you have to stop defending yourself because you are still fighting with her and her feelings, regardless if you admit it or not. So when you hear people tell you to "do nothing", they're giving you good advice because everything you have been doing, doesn't work.
This is what works: Agree with your wife. Agree with her friends. Tell your wife that she is right, divorce is the best thing, things aren't working out and this isn't what you want so whenever she wants to proceed with divorce, you'll be fine with it, in fact you'll be better than fine, you'll be fantastic. There is no use in fighting with her and there is no use in trying to change her mind because that just puts you at odds with her feelings and emotions and she is a very feeling and emotional person. Doing these things will work far better than anything you've tried thus far and then... move on with your life, stop trying to save the marriage, start living a single life, detach, move on, improve your life and yourself and go out and have fun instead of being depressed and lonely.
This would work far better than anything else that you and analytical mind will come up with.
