The year of not my problem

[AJM]

I'm finding that it is not as difficult as it used to be. My thoughts are that, hey, what is it she can do to me now? The monster she has become can no longer hurt me any more than she has. That's the truth. I'm beyond that level of hurt any longer. The healing has been in full swing for a long time. I can feel it. When I feel sad, or angry or otherwise, it doesn't go nearly as deep and doesn't last very long. A few hours or a day at the most.
Like I said, I've seen the worst she can do (obviously she could do worse, but it would be horrendous worse, and not just aimed at me. The things she does aimed at me - there is no worse she can do any longer. I know that. There is no denying it at this point.
There is no going back for me. I cannot and will not. Three years of trying and figuring things out is WAY too long already. I get it. I got it. I'm accepting it and moving on with or without her being out of the house. I've lived with the monster in the house for a long time. I realize now that I've been going through this for so long that it is not that I'm moving faster now, I'm just realizing how far I've come. I'm going the rest of the way now.
I plan to talk to the lawyer to see what we can work out to get her out. I'll go slowly, because that's a negotiation tactic. I'll make her wait for a while to soften her up. I won't be fooled by her trying to be nicer although I will reward the good behavior in the sense that I will respond when appropriate. I will not respond when the behavior is mean and nasty and hateful and trying to hurt me. Period. I will NOT let myself be out of the house to avoid her. I'll be out of the house because I have other things to do. Period.
I've spent a few weeks doing that. Getting out to be away. It helped. I'm addicted to it. But it's not the way I want to be because that's a form of her having control over me and I need to get that out of me. Like the last pieces of a splinter - I'll work it out as quickly as I can.

Hang in there Thinker. See things differently. I wake up every morning and I thank God for all the wonderful things in my life. Every blessing. Know what? I see things very differently now. I see a lot of positive things in my life. A lot.

Aj