It was only much further along in the process that I reached a point where I detached from his anger. I could see that it was entirely his issue, and vowed never to engage with him when he was angry, or to let him see me in tears. Instead, I'd calmly state, "H, that's not appropriate," and walk away, or just look at him and walk away. One day he admitted later, "When I saw you look at me like that, I knew I'd gone too far." If he followed me, I'd calmly refuse to engage with him. When he saw that I was no longer affected by them, the angry outbursts almost disappeared.
Would a similar approach work for you? You could start by practising in your head what you could say as you walked away, feeling the sense of detachment this would give you.
AS you are both saying, I will continue to try. But I tell you I haven't had much success. Occasionally I have. But usually he sees me walking away or saying anything as more aggression towards him and he blames me further.
