I really think you have a solid chance here. Maybe I have more hope than you.. still don't quite know why you seem to be on the top of my thought list these days.
I wish I could feel more hopeful. I really appreciate your time and energy.
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Imagine for a second if that GPS threw out every "path" it came across while it was "recalculating". Turn here, go left, back up, straight. You would think it was broke and most likely take it back to the store to get your money back. You would certainly want to end your "relationship" with it!
I know I have been doing some of this type of thing. I've been reading so much lately that I've been letting some of the strategies get me twisted up.
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Somewhere in there I missed your H did not attend. For some reason I thought you had a card for you from your H and he attended with the boys.
I looked back at that myself. It was poorly written. It was an emotional night for me flopping between how I felt about H and how the boys were so proud/happy/fun to be with.
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Maybe you should have asked him if he understood what you were saying.
That would have been GREAT! Wish I had thought of it. I was really just trying to get out of the convo as quickly as possible. Yesterday I had lunch with a co-worker who was telling my how her H has started telling her he loves her all the time as a way to "build her up". She said it's hard to explain how hearing such positive words all the time can change you. I sat there in quiet misery thinking that it equally sucks to have to hear the opposite! It really feels like he's tearing me down by his need to keep reminding me that he still feels a lack of romance and doesn't think he wants to remain in this M. My cheerfulness seems to make him think he needs to keep reminding me that we have a BIG problem, as if I could forget!
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What still has him "recalculating"? He is a big boy.. he can leave any time he wants. Why is he still "there".. creating "drama"? Can you see why I really harp on getting you "Ready"?
H would answer this easily with "S8 and S5". This question has been roaming around in my mind for a few weeks now. He can go sleep on the sofa, but he hasn't. He can work more out of the house, but he doesn't. He calls and e-mails me a few times a day. He likes to share stories about his day and talk things out that he's working on with me. He says we don't have anything in common and he doesn't feel a deep connection to me, but yet he's not acting like I annoy the snot out of him He doesn't avoid me.
There is one thing he keeps bringing up that has been on my mind. The night he pulled the rug out from under me (and I knew nothing about Dbing) through the tears, freaking out, and sickness, one thing I said has stood out to him. I told him that "love" is a verb. He has brought this back up several times since and is stating that it's one more way that we are so different, we don't even see love the same way. He seems to describe this "love" that is a noun that falls upon you when you meet the right person. Apparently to him I am not that person because he doesn't feel that "thing" upon him. I asked him if he has ever felt that before, with anyone. He said he didn't know/wasn't sure but was surprised by my question because when he tried to talk the same thing out with his IC she asked him the same Q.
We did have some fun last night. H noticed I had bought some margarita mix earlier in the week, so he picked up a small bottle of tequila (we rarely drink) so we could watch a movie and celebrate Cinco de Mayo. We even stayed up a while afterword chatting and he laughed a good bit. So, I expect him to be a grump tonight....that's how the roller coaster has gone so far.
maybe I should have told him I wanted a laptop for my BD
