What to do when their friends suggest leaving?

[Bummedout]

Sometimes doing nothing will produce the response you want. It's not an issue of "control" it's doing something that might work.

The problem is, that I can't recollect any time in any situation where doing zip produced a desired result. So, basically, I'm looking at "Zero, maybe one life experience where I did nothing about something and it worked out well versus 10,00 life experiences where I did something and it worked out well, versus 1000 life experiences where I did something and it didn't work out so well"

This tells me "do something"

For example, if you came home and your W complained that you don't pick your clothes off the ground... every day, you'd start to tune her out.
{/quote]
Probably not. That's actually a minor issue, mainly with my socks when I take my shoes off in the evenings to watch the tube or whatever, and it's infrequent, but it happens. Not so muchsince I lost my job, because I have been helping around the house more since then.

[quote=MrBond]But what if she didn't say anything but left your clothes where they were and let them accumulate. Maybe it'll get you thinking that "hey it's a mess" and you'll pick them up.

The situation never got that far

She gets the result she wanted without saying anything. That's a simplistic example, but you get the picture.

Yea, I see what you're trying to say there, but in my experience that scenario generally would play out as building animosity on the part of the wife being more likely than getting a guy to 'wise up' and could just as easily result in the poor moron complaining about his wife letting the place get messy, on top of her building animosity.

In a nutshell, that's actually a good example of why "doing nothing" in that situation is probably a bad idea. While the outcome you suggest is certainly possible, it's more probable that it wouldn't play out that way.

Or of you're talking to a teenager and kept telling him that he couldn't see a certain girl. It's going to make him want to see her even more.{/quote]

That's largely a myth, but I see your point. All it really does is tick the teen off, it doesn't really change the level of desire for the creep the teen wants to date. But in that scenario also, "doing nothing" simply enables the teen to date the undesirable love interest. As a parent of four myself three who are between 18 and 22, I can assure you, there are things that can be said and done to mitigate the issue effectively.

[quote=MrBond]You want a specific plan of action?

No, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for help, primarily in the form of others experiences when they've tried something to mitigate the damage and negative influence a "friend" can have on trying to keep a marriage together.

Well start writing down the actions you have done and if they produced a negative or positive result.

I could start that list with: "Did nothing and said nothing about her talking to her friend . . . . she'd left to talk to her friend 'sorta okay" and when she came home . . .was chilly" Doing Nothing: Not-so-good.
Do more of that which gets you a positive. Simple as that.

"A half decent listener."

I think that's your issue right there. You are "hearing" what your W and others are telling you, but you may not be "listening".

Nope, not my issue. I hear exactly what ya'll are telling me, the issue with this thread seems to be the other way around, ironically enough. As for not hearing what she is telling me, hey, I doubt that's the problem, but can't declare it with absolute certainty.

No two sitches are exactly alike. You're going to have to start forming your own strategy based on your own circumstances.

I'm quite aware of that. And in doing so . . .I'd like to hear from other people who have actually TRIED to mitigate the damage to a relationship that poor advice from friends can cause, successful or not.

For some reason, people who clearly don't have any experience there seem to think I value their theories on something they clearly have no first hand experience and insight on.

Again: Anyone actually TRIED anything?