No, I really don't know why I got up and moved, I just did it. Maybe it was for him. There was absolutely no thought behind it, I just did it. I'll have to think about this more.
I don't think I am ready to go dark, I was just thinking about how I can communicate to him that I miss the talks we used to have, the friendship we had... but I'm reading some old HeartsBlessing / HurtingBadly posts and she went dark, but also maintained a friendship. I'm just not sure how to do that. I want to leave that bridge up and that door cracked b/c it's a huge connection for us - we have so many common interests and really were best friends.
My H had an EA 2003-2005 and during that time we were friends, talked, ML, went out to clubs, relived his high school years. I had enough and pulled him back. I'm not sure if he is in MLC now - he acts like it, but the earlier EA makes me wonder... but then I think that perhaps he was starting an MLC and I interrupted it, which is why this time it's so much more forceful.
In any case, just explaining b/c H has been hateful and said really mean things to me, blaming me for everything wrong in his life and saying things like I have no morals. Projecting hateful actions onto me, etc. But in the past, he definitely was a cake eater, even to the point of admitting it after his EA ended.
PS with earlier EA - he relapsed and I caught wind of it and forced him back into the M by threatening to leave, giving him an ultimatum - and he chose me...
I feel like if I gave him that same ultimatum now, he'd walk, and I'm not ready to do that just yet. I can detach, GAL, etc, but I'm just not ready to PUSH him out the door, you know? I can live my life like he's not coming back, but if I were instrumental in forcing him away, I'd have a huge problem with that.
I wish someone could tell me - do this or do that... LOL
I would much prefer to be his friend and confidant, but this time he's actually going out with OW to clubs and bars and not me, so where before I had that outlet available to me, this time I do not. This time he is replacing my friendship with hers. He's even taking her on a trip with our friends that we were supposed to be going on. Last time, he let me meet some of his needs, this time he will not.
1. He won't eat my food 2. He won't do my laundry and keeps his purposefully separate so that he is doing his own laundry 3. He has gotten a separate bank account 4. He hasn't gone out and done anything fun with me for months 5. He goes out constantly with old friends (high school) and OW and never even tells me where or when he'll be home
Basically all of his needs are being met outside of the home and without me. I vacillate between (1) going dark and totally just moving on and allowing God to totally take over and move his heart back to me, and (2) stepping aside for God to do what He has to do, but at the same time trying to meet some friendship needs of H by listening, being there, laughing with him when we watch tv together (infrequent) and having good times on Tuesdays when we have family night.
Laughter is VERY important to H, very very important, cannot be overstressed, so this is a huge thing for us to do together.
