Can you see the Morning After

[psluke]

Hi PIB,

I'm sorry I am sucking at being clear this morning.

I didn't mean anyone wanted me to leave the board. I just meant if I am not working on a R should I leave the board?

I know you are trying to help me, everyone is trying to help me. I think Sage hit a part of it. I am tired of the pain and the questioning and the wondering.

I NEED to put as much of it as I can behind me.

I LOVE you guys too. I don't think I want to leave I'm not sure if staying here would make it harder to put the R behind me in the long run.

I think on that I will experiment and monitor!! Because I have some people here I really care an awful lot about.

I am not saying I would push any advances he made away, just that I need to quit holding onto hope on my end. If it works that he decides to step forward that is wonderful. I am trying to shut him out of my life for me, not for him. If he makes an effort to come into it I won't reject that but I can't keep hoping either.

Actually like I said I had two main thoughts colliding this morning. This was the second one not the first one.


Hi Cal,

I will think about your post! Don't have my DR book yet but I did order one yesterday to do the thread Sage started rather than ask for mine back from David.

I know the proper way if I were DBing is to DETACH and do my own thing. I have never got that down to where I could do that.

I think I will work on my homework for me though!


Hi Sage,

I think the middle ground is probably the detaching that I never was able to do. I am not even sure how to go about what I am thinking of trying to do.

I think working through the grieving will be a first step, but at the same time I want to start trying to add some things back into my life. I am not sure I will feel up to that, but I am planning to try to do it.

I am NOT trying to discount what all of you are saying. I know that is a bad habit of mine that I don't let things in real well.

What I am trying to say is as long as I have hope, I hurt. If I give up hope I am hopeful of starting to heal. Am I making any sense at all?

I am sorry on the communication comment. I know you did not say that and I GENERALIZED.

I do agree with you on all the positives I have going for me. Yes, I think David gets a lot of DR, whether he will ever put any of it into effect in his life is possibly another matter. I hope he does. I don't wish him bad luck, sometimes I am still angry, but not enough that I don't wish him well with his life and that he figures himself out.