My opinion. One text hinting towards reconcilliation should not have you jumping back to her.
I hate to say it- it may have been drunk texting or she may have gotten into a fight with the OM or she could have been messing with your head.
I feel this way- you do not have to do the work now... if she wants to get back with you- she will pursue you over and over and show true effort and changes by: 1. Admitting ALL of her wrong-doings 2. Going to conseling 3. Apologizing and showing true remorse
Anything less is not worth your effort or time. Standing at the ledge ready to make that leap (to D) scares everyone. She may be scared moving back towards her "comfort" zone. You can no longer be her comfort zone. Her reaching out to you may be nothing more than her feeling nervouse about the pending D.
IDK, it is easy to try to mind read and come off with all sorts of scenerios. There should be no vagueness on her end. She drove this D train she has to be the one to stop it. IMO.
Sorry you and the kids are going through this mess.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
If you were to ignore one text that would not mean you missed you one and only shot to get back with her. If she was sincere she would try again and again.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
...just wondering what my normal response should be. Right now I'm just going with my gut and ignoring it, but I'm curious about what my friends here think about it.
If you're going with your gut and ignoring it, I'd say that is your "normal" response. Stick to it. Listen to Coach. And June. And others. I received two sobbing, bawling divorce remorse phone calls from ex two nights before (eventually postponed) divorce date and again two nights before rescheduled date. Genuine? Assuaging guilt? Conflicted? I don't know. I do know she divorced me, cold as ice, two days later.
If there's anything to it, wait her out. Big-girl-panties time. If she's sincere, she'll approach you again with some substance and not just an emotional cry in the wee hours.
Total Aside Does anyone know if the "Add Topic (or User) To Your List Of Watched Topics" option has a self-destruct or time limit? Several times recently I've wondered "Haven't heard a peep from X, lately. " Tonight it was you, Awoken. No longer on my "Watched List". Added you again, but 'supwitdat? Anyone have similar experience?
Last edited by Gardener; 05/07/1002:56 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
If there's anything to it, wait her out. Big-girl-panties time. If she's sincere, she'll approach you again with some substance and not just an emotional cry in the wee hours.
It hasn't crossed my mind much, and it hasn't been hard to just wait it out. There has been no other response from her, even during the rest of the week/ends activities. It occurred to me that maybe the text wasn't even meant for me (I sent one to her by mistake back in February due to speed dial settings).
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
First: My mother asked at the last minute if I could bring my kids down to visit with her and her visiting family (my uncle and aunt) this past weekend. We had already arranged for the kids to be with their mom this weekend for mothers day. Still, I texted STBXW and asked about it, and I was pleasantly surprised when she agreed. I didn't mention anything about her last text to me.
I told the kids to be ready for me at 8:30am and I would pick them up. Now, I know what building they are in, but not which apartment. They don't have a landline, and their cellphones don't get any reception in the apartment. I ended up having to ask neighbors which unit was theirs. The cellphone thing is going to continue to be a problem, as I can't reach my kids at all during their weeks with mom. STBXW does not want to get a landline.
Second: Saturday night was D17's band banquet! She was up for a leadership position, and I really wanted to be there. STBXW did not want to be anywhere near me, see me, or speak to me. She bought her own ticket to the event, and I sat at a the table with our neighbors. When I arrived, I discovered that our table was in front of STBWX's table. She didn't look happy, but it was too late for her to move. Even though mostly everyone there knows about the separation, I think it was mostly uncomfortable for them. I mean, it was weird! Why in the world couldn't we at least sit at the same table for our daughter's night?
D17 won section leader! She was so worried about it, and it was a tense moment leading up to the announcement. She was so happy, but it was a little poignant watching her look back and forth between her parents tables (and yes, she looked at her friends table's first!)
Afterward, I gave her a hug, told her congratulations, and then left. I wish we could have all gone to celebrate together. The situation just seems so wrong, and I'm pretty angry overall.
Hopefully, over time this will improve.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
STBXW did not want to be anywhere near me, see me, or speak to me.
I've been thinking about this. Are you sure SHE doesn't want this - or maybe she thinks this is what you want. She overreacted to your calling her out on the affair. Maybe she is overreacting to what she thinks YOU want. Is it even possible to have a civil conversation with her regarding...
Originally Posted By: Awoken
Why in the world couldn't we at least sit at the same table for our daughter's night? . . .I wish we could have all gone to celebrate together. The situation just seems so wrong
And I still think you have a case in regards to not being able to contact your kids at all when they are in the apartment. I can't think of a solution myself, but this just doesn't seem appropriate at all.
I should have mentioned it in my last post. I sent her a small text after the banquet saying "I'm proud of D17, and I'm sorry we couldn't at least share the moment".
No response at all.
Earlier, there was a problem buying the tickets to the event. The deadline was up, and I offered to just pay for all the tickets, and we could settle up at the end. W made it clear she would pay for her own ticket and sit at her own table.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
S14! had his end of the year band concert, where they give out awards. It is my week with the kids. We discovered at the last minute that S14 had left his black pants at his mom's apartment, so he called her and arranged for us to meet half way and get them on the way to the concert.
She pulled up in her van, maneuvering so that she wouldn't have to see me. I thought, this is ridiculous. S14 got out, ran over and grabbed his pants and came back over. We got him there in time for the sound check.
During the concert, me and D17 sat together. STBXW and mother of my children stood on the far side of the auditorium. Again, I think this is ridiculous and why shouldn't we just sit together!?!?
S14! won the most improved award. His band director said "He was already good, but 5 months ago, it was like a fire lit up inside him". One way that he has handled the stress of the breakup of our family, has been pouring himself into practicing music, exercising and other things to improve himself. At first, I could tell he was trying to save our marriage by being a better boy. But then, it was really just to save himself. It's heartbreaking and inspiring at the same time.
At the end, my wife, their mother, slipped out the back as soon as possible. I thought she would at least stay to congratulate S14!. Maybe she sent him a text message, or plans to congratulate him later.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
