Okay H just called me to tell me he is buy a jeep. This has been something he has wanted to do for a while now. I am happy for him. You can tell how excited he is right now.
Quote: I feel a real need to just go somewhere and not come home so that at least I do not feel that he thinks I am just waiting around for him.
Sounds to me like you would be going out, with the expectation that he will notice. Remember DO THINGS FOR YOU - not to illicit a response from him.
Quote: I am so torn as to the fact of weither I should still try connecting with him or if I should just stop trying.
IF you want an opportunity to save your M then you really will need to take some time to figure YOU out first. Don't let these feelings of despair rule you. This is going to be tough road - no doubt BUT you will be fine and you just may find out things about you and H that may make your future R much much better.
Quote: I just feel it would be easier to just throw in the towel and move on but deep in my heart that is not what I really want.
Yep - you'll feel like this sometimes. So what do you really want?
First, let me say that I am a homebody especially through the week. I don't want to go out and come home at midnight. I have to work and that part of my life is over as far as I am concerned. An occasional late night is fine but I can't do what he is doing right now. It just won't work for me.
Second, I really would have no way of knowing what his response would be if I didn't come home. I just feel as if he knows I will always be there, as if I am waiting for him to come home and I am not.
Finally, what I really want to do is be strong and see this through no matter what the outcome because I really do not want to start over again and I truly believe that the both of this can come out on the other side of this crisis with a better relationship. I hope that it is a marriage R but I recognize it might not be.