Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[Vulcanized]

Ruined_No_More

I appreciate your persective and have a couple of questions for you. I agree that Gr8day needs to put aside his wants.

Are you saying to only talk about something other than the post-marital agreement if his W brings it up?

If Gr8day only talks about the post-marital agreement, how should he communicate that he may be interested in something other than that?

Gr8day has received advice from both Coach and I on questions he can ask his W to try to get her talking about the R/M. Do you feel he should not do that?

Hi G,

I think it's best to allow W to bring up R/M. Allow her to talk about her needs/wants, as opposed to "yes, but ... this is what I want". Listen to W, validate, if need be, repeat what W has said so as to confirm that the message W was delivering was the message that Gr8t received.

In my sitch, when H voiced his complaints, that is what I did. Also said, H, I understand why you feel that way. I think that our problems can be resolved and the M made stronger, but I understand you don't think that is a possibility at this time. I've repeated that line a few times over the course of the sitch.

I don't think beating the WA over the head w/your desire to repair M is productive. You express the sentiment occasionally. The WAS knows you don't want D.

I don't think Gr8t should refrain from R/M talk. If W initiates it, he should listen to W. Make it about her and not himself. Not necessarily bring it up himself, but be receptive if/when W does.

Hope that clarifies.