My WAW - Chat/Text Msg affair with her ex

[Dan1977]

I've been reading some other posts trying to find similar situations and I have broken several rules laid out by Sandi. I printed out a large list of "don'ts" that I'm going to keep reviewing.

My wife texted me today that she wished yesterday didn't happen. I don't know exactly what she means by that, whether it means she wish it didn't happen because she liked our progress with baby steps....or....she wished it didn't happen because that was the nail in the coffin of our marriage. Either way, I'm not going to pursue too hard. I did text her back and tell her I wish it didn't happen either and liked how things had been going with us lately and I appreciate that she was trying. The text messages really were not as frequent on this prepaid phone...until our blowout yesterday then it was texting galore to OM. I feel like we take 2 steps forward and then 3 steps backwards, and somehow I feel like it's always my fault everything sucks.

I was thinking about going away for the weekend. My parents called the other day and wanted to have a cookout at our house Sunday for Mothers Day. I mentioned the idea (the other day before yesterdays bombshell) about inviting her family and she liked that idea. Ofcourse yesterday, she said she didn't want to be there for any cookout and asked if it was ok to take the kids to her parents (without me ofcourse) for Mothers Day instead. My parents don't know any of what's going on and I don't necessarily want to fill them in on any details at this point. I may just go to my parents for Mothers Day. I told my wife I didn't care if she went down there on Sunday with the kids. Who knows, she could be lying again and meeting up with OM, but at this point all the "controlling" I'm doing is pushing her away even farther.

My wife does not like it when I say I am going to leave, or go for a walk or just go lay in the hammock because she says I'm running away from our problems. I don't get it though because in the same breath she wants her space. She wants me there but doesn't...very confusing. I think most of the time she likes the help I provide with the kids and when she has to do it on her own, she let's me know about it. I tell her, you better get used to it because that is exactly what divorce will do. Probably not the right thing to say yesterday, but she is pushing it there with all the divorce talk and she needs to wake up to reality what divorce will actually be like.

Anyway, I'm getting to the point in my life where I feel like I can try to follow some of Sandi's guidelines about not pursuing, chasing, begging, pleading, explaining etc... Before I was so emotionally distraught over the fact she is communicating with OM so much, I could not personally handle my emotions and reactions. Now I'm starting to get a little more disconnected and controlling my actions, that maybe I'm ready to implement some of these concepts instead of just wanting to do it.

This situation has definitely revealed a weak spot in me, I want to talk with my wife and work through this by explaining, talking or whatever because I feel like that is what got us here, lack of communication. Now I've got to learn to shut it off. The fact that I could lose my kids compounds the situation, but what I'm doing isn't working and indirectly I'm losing my kids with my instinctual reactions.

Man I feel like a head case anymore and sometimes it feels like it's just time to give up. If I gave up, then that would mean I didn't care about my family.

Puppy, I searched out Greek and Coach, how do I contact people on these message boards. I tried to send a PM and the UBB denied it, do I need some special permission? Not totally familiar with how this message boards works. I would love to get them involved with my message board, all the advice I can get the better !!

Thanks

Dan