Invinceable

[mishka422]

Hi guys! Busy, busy, busy here. That is good. I got two days back per month at work so now I'm off every other Tuesday instead of every Tuesday which also meant I got 5% of my pay back. 15% to go.......

My new way of eating went out the window the last 2 weeks with all the family trauma and the food pouring in from everyone we've ever known!!! I am going to be so ticked at myself when I weigh in on Saturday. Thankfully I have been trying to keep up the exercise but it's certainly not enough to counteract the crap I've been putting in my body.

I'll say this....my R with Gabe is strange and I still have no clue what is going on. I talked to my C Tuesday about how confused I am and told her what I had said to him about it. She thought it was a good step and it was a sign that I am getting better at stepping outside of my comfort zone where he is concerned. I don't know about that. I have a lot of fear that chokes me most of the time.

She gave me homework.

1)list what went wrong with the relationship
2)Who was primarily resposible for the end of the marriage?
3)If not me, how did I contribute to it?
4)What has changed?
5)What could change?

I started writing last night and everything I wrote was about what I did wrong, what I could have done better at. When I got to the "Who was primarily responsible for the end of the marriage?" I almost choked when I wrote down "I was. If I had done better maybe he wouldn't have felt the need to look elsewhere." That isn't good to feel that way is it? It was my honest feeling though. It's no good to just write down what I think I should say so it sounds like I have a handle on myself. I do enough of that all day, every day.

Is that answer because I still feel somewhat worthless? It has to be. Someone who feels good about themselves wouldn't take all the blame for someone else's betrayal. NOT RIGHT!!!!!

At least I recognize it's not right, now how do I change that thinking? I want to change that without putting anger and blame on him either. What is a healthy response? H

Have to run an errand. Be back later. Talk amongst yourselves.