Can you see the Morning After

[sage]

Ok, I decided not to take the easy way out and go to bed but to try and do something productive.

Today really hit my problem of not dealing well with certain of my emotions. To me the one today was very definitely self control, as in lack of.

It was not only mental but physical reactions as well, but my thinking becomes unclear and I am agitated and take the agitation/frustration out on someone close to me. Not necessarily physically close but someone I feel emotionally close too.

I shared with David that it is like a two year old having a temper tantrum. Lovely way to feel about yourself don't you know.

So I don't like how the way I respond to the emotions makes me feel about myself. Therefore I am working to come up with steps to deal with them in the future ON MY OWN, WITHIN MYSELF!

I don't believe right at the moment I could sit and meditate, I need to move when I feel that agitated. Well I am tied to that desk all day, my boss would more than likely cover if I said I just needed to walk for a few minutes.

After some physical activity I believe the next step would be to try to meditate, the calm waters seems to really hit me for self soothing.

Once I am calmer then I need to start questioning the thoughts I am having: Are these rational? Are they strictly emotions bubbling out? Are they ASSumptions? What are you thinking exactly and why are you thinking that, do you have proof, is this true?

So game plan in place for future occurrences.

1. Try to do something physical

2. Meditate

3. Question the thoughts that are going through my head

4. DO NOT EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO HANDLE MY EMOTIONS FOR ME

I'm quoting this WHOLE DARNED THING because it is SUCH A GREAT, AWESOME, DB-CENTRIC, SMART, SAVVY, AMAZING POST!!!!

Shiny mentioned walking meditation to you... That's what I mainly did to calm myself during the months when h was having the a but lying about it. I'd get up from my desk and take a quick spin (inside or outside) for 5 minutes.

I'm familiar with 2 ways of doing it...I'm sure there are a jillion more...

1. (This one is easier for me) -- while walking, make an ATTEMPT to clear out all thoughts of your head and focus ONLY on sound. IOW, when you are moving turn your brain and all of your attention to just LISTENING to the sound, the silence, the movement of your body.

2. (Harder for me) Focus all of your mental BW on the act of walking...really slow it down...concentrate every brain wave on breaking down the motions ..."now I am lifting my heel...now my instep...now the ball of my foot...my knee is bending...my leg is..." -- it's not the mind that controls it but the body and then the mind notes every detail of what's happening.

Sage