I hear what you are saying. It is difficult not being able to guage if what you are doing is helping or hurting. Meaning hurting myself or the R or my H. I will not go out without a fight. Having said that, I of course need to take a real hard look at myself and where I am and where I want to go. I know that is what my H is doing. This is marriage 2 for him as well and I know that he feels most of his life has been in a R with someone and he is quite unsure of who he is.
He says that I really changed about 6-7 years ago when my 1st H died. This is the father of my D17. Last year after marriage counseling I began the journey of looking at who I really am. I never thougth of myself as a co-dependent person until that time. Yes, that was a difficult period for me because the person I always thought I was never existed. Now I had to work to find out who I really am. I have always tried to control so many aspects of my life, often I have realized that this is impossible but still I would try.
Also, I have surly been the fixer in the M. Often taking on the majority of the responsibilities. Another thing that really sticks in my mind is how my H cannot let go of the past. Never really forgiving or forgetting and my reactions to this when he would bring things up. I had already started working on these things before the bomb. And in coversations my H already mentioned that he did notice. It is difficult to just move along in life, standing where you are confused and surrounded by others while it feels like your life is at a stand still.
