You won't get people chiming in here to tell you your W is having an A or not. But you ARE here.
You say W is exhibiting behavior that is not normal and only you know normal. So are you being paranoid or creating problems that aren't there? Only you can say.
But it is a problem. It is a problem becasue you perceive it to be one.
What has been said about boundaries here is true. They are for you. And they must be enforced. And when they are enforced you have to be cool with the fallout. So if your attitude changes in the M what will that do?
What is at the core of this boundary? You don't want her going to the beach? You have a phobia for beach sand?
You don't want to live through another A in your M? probably that is closer to the truth.
All the talk in between trying to control the ultimate reality is just creating the problems that brought you here.
So what really can't you live with?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
